tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770341086445997547.post3484819172642827113..comments2023-10-07T22:37:49.244+13:00Comments on The Hand Mirror: a public proposalkatyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15742280289613450293noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770341086445997547.post-57009929248032239152010-03-26T16:13:07.693+13:002010-03-26T16:13:07.693+13:00I also find it interesting how people are so into ...I also find it interesting how people are so into weddings and things like hens evenings and even baby showers. Stuff like that didn't happen with my friends in the 80's, 90's. And the planning - i now know 3 women who are constantly talking about their wedding plans. I know you have to book places ahead but there is some serious OTT stuff going on and expensive. And pre wedding events are happening such as school balls are 'in', where girls are spending heaps on dresses. Again we had a school dance but nothing like hiring limos etc, like is happening in my town. It's like we are adopting episodes from bad American tv shows into our culture herelenorenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770341086445997547.post-25870875168373612342010-03-25T18:09:49.414+13:002010-03-25T18:09:49.414+13:00I know a woman who was engaged four times, to four...<i>I know a woman who was engaged four times, to four different men, prior to her engagement to the man she married. I don't know the ins and outs of all of these engagements, but I know that in at least one case it was a matter of saying yes when asked to avoid hurt feelings, and then discussing it further the next day and coming to a no.</i><br /><br />I have a friend who was engaged a similar number of times, and dumped her fiancees on a practically timetabled basis. I could never quite work out what she got out of it, since actual marriage was never on the horizon. <br /><br /><i>Even though that's a big public thing in one way it's actually surprisingly intimate in another - no one else needs to know who the proposal is for and from.</i><br /><br />That's a bit different though - you could organise it so that you were alone with the questionee when they saw it. It still comes with some elements of pressure, since it's a lot of effort to go to, but it doesn't have, as you say, the public element.Lucyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06432218062519321962noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770341086445997547.post-49821804763460290042010-03-25T14:27:20.802+13:002010-03-25T14:27:20.802+13:00Lucy, my now-husband and I had the same conversati...Lucy, my now-husband and I had the same conversation about public proposals. For me a proposal of marriage (or civil union or similar) is about just two people, really, and so I don't get the point of doing the big public thing. Maybe if there are kids involved as well you might include them in discussion, but otherwise I don't get it. I don't understand why you would want to put your relationship under a massive microscope like that, with a whole lot of people who really have nothing to do with you.<br /><br />I know a woman who was engaged four times, to four different men, prior to her engagement to the man she married. I don't know the ins and outs of all of these engagements, but I know that in at least one case it was a matter of saying yes when asked to avoid hurt feelings, and then discussing it further the next day and coming to a no.<br /><br />On the other hand, I've just remembered two friends who got engaged after he hired a plane to do the whole banner in the sky thing. Even though that's a big public thing in one way it's actually surprisingly intimate in another - no one else needs to know who the proposal is for and from.Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08977150346842277994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770341086445997547.post-39862623286505749892010-03-25T07:27:22.684+13:002010-03-25T07:27:22.684+13:00My husband and I, pre-decision to marry, always as...My husband and I, pre-decision to marry, always assured each other that should either of us take it into our heads to make a public proposal, they should do so in the full understanding that the other person would tell them to fuck off. It is a form of harrassment - it's deliberately putting someone in a situation where there is huge, huge social pressure to say yes, no matter what their actual thoughts. That's creepy. <br /><br />Of course, I've always been of the opinion that if you have to do the whole proposal thing with genuine uncertainty about the answer, instead of just having a discussion about whether marriage is a good idea, you're sort of starting out on the wrong foot anyway - sure, it's romantic, but it's not very practical.Lucyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06432218062519321962noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770341086445997547.post-11770712369498523682010-03-24T23:35:51.143+13:002010-03-24T23:35:51.143+13:00Not sure about it being harrassment, but I agree i...Not sure about it being harrassment, but I agree it's a spectacularly bad way to propose. I think it makes what should be a mutually special moment between two people into an ego-trip for the person proposing. "Look at me and my grand gesture!"<br />My (now ex-) step father proposed to my mother at her birthday party, in front of all of our friends and family. She said yes, but I remember very clearly the look of sheer panic on her face. She felt like she had no other option...and the ex- part at the start of this story tells you how it all ended up.Mnoreply@blogger.com