tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770341086445997547.post574068496744718432..comments2023-10-07T22:37:49.244+13:00Comments on The Hand Mirror: Divorce and kidskatyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15742280289613450293noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770341086445997547.post-173265004891875442009-02-18T20:19:00.000+13:002009-02-18T20:19:00.000+13:00D4J, you can't just get divorced in a place with n...D4J, you can't just get divorced in a place with no-fault divorce, and fault-based divorce is no guarantee of saving a marriage. Usually no-fault divorce requires a lengthy separation period, during which there is ample time for both parties to consider the decision, and fault-based divorces can happen very quickly indeed. <BR/><BR/>The problem is not actual divorces but people's unrealistic expectations heading into marriage / divorce and then how they handle the divorce.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770341086445997547.post-19784963361525174122008-08-18T07:00:00.000+12:002008-08-18T07:00:00.000+12:00D4J- Not all marriages result in children. Marriag...D4J- Not all marriages result in children. Marriage as a concept is now separated from child-raising, and that's even ignoring the infertile or those who marry at ages when childbirth would be very risky. (And completely discounting the possibility of gay marriage sometime in the future)<BR/><BR/>I think any responsible parent is already trying to put the emphasis on their children. But that doesn't necessarily mean that it's always possible to do so in divorces where there are very hurt feelings involved and things are likely to be very adversarial. Again- the solution to me seems to be to avoid "universalising" marriage and child-raising so that everyone feels like they have to do it, even if they're not very well prepared.Arihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10508763710629695750noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770341086445997547.post-55225918873786784782008-08-17T15:04:00.000+12:002008-08-17T15:04:00.000+12:00D4J, children don't necessarily suffer if their ch...D4J, children don't necessarily suffer if their children separate. There are many divorces where the effect on the children is minimal, and where the children don't lack the care or support that either parent provided before the marriage. These aren't even necessarily the divorces where parents separate amicably, as long as the parents both want the best for their children.<BR/><BR/>Unfortunately, there's a tendency in divorce for parents to identify their own interests with those of the child - eg, 'my wife cheated on me, therefore she is untrustworthy and deceitful, and why would I want somebody untrustworthy and deceitful to raise my children'?<BR/><BR/>Basically, I think everybody agrees that the interests of the children in a divorce should be foremost. The question is, how can those interests be promoted? (And how does this effect no-child divorces?)DPF:TLDRhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06372937855256319716noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770341086445997547.post-40103651431417157002008-08-17T13:52:00.000+12:002008-08-17T13:52:00.000+12:00We agree the children suffer after their parents s...We agree the children suffer after their parents separate, so why don't we put CHILDREN on a pedestal and make divorce a decision based on parental responsibilities. Fathers for example,should understand the huge affect it will have on their children. No way do I advocate a relationship that is violent and the no fault system is here to stay, however more emphasis on the Children and nurturing would improve the situation for many kiwi children.<BR/>Just my two cents worth.dad4justicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03399954680761271127noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770341086445997547.post-12038095556218123132008-08-17T11:00:00.000+12:002008-08-17T11:00:00.000+12:00My current squeeze is going through a heinous divo...My current squeeze is going through a heinous divorce right now. And one thing people forget is how incredibly lenghty the whole process can be if it is an acrimonous split. <BR/><BR/>This one has been going on for over a year and still looks to have several more rounds before it gets 100% settled. But both parties involved have significant funds to fight it out in court whereas for average wage earners the story would likely to be very different.<BR/><BR/>Watching silently from the sidelines I've come to the conclusion I never want to go through something like that.I can't even imgaine how difficult it is for the 5 year old stuck in the middle of this mess.<BR/><BR/>My only answer is that some people just should not be allowed to breed. But that's not an easy policy to enforce.Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05680274679737065263noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770341086445997547.post-53440913529395865212008-08-17T09:42:00.000+12:002008-08-17T09:42:00.000+12:00What would be your rationale for getting rid of no...What would be your rationale for getting rid of no fault divorce, D4J?<BR/><BR/>I've heard it argued (by someone with very conservative Christian beliefs) that the current divorce laws are bad because they encourage people to throw away marriages flippantly rather than work at them. I think it's important that those who want to work at their marriages have the encouragement and support to do so, but I also think marriages should be very easy to escape.<BR/><BR/>I've also never met a person who just chucked in their marriage on a whim (although I certainly know of people who've left marriages for less than admirable reasons). For most people, leaving a marriage is a life-wrenching decision, even if the marriage is an unhappy one - and if you're a woman, there's a good chance you'll face poverty on the DPB as a result. And when people do leave marriages for dumb reasons, you've got to ask yourself, is it such a bad thing? If my partner left me because I've got a fat arse, then I really feel I'd be better off without someone like that in my life.Annahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06076244041878300351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770341086445997547.post-70916973373336252008-08-17T07:53:00.000+12:002008-08-17T07:53:00.000+12:00I'm sorry- you want to eliminate no-fault divorce?...I'm sorry- you want to eliminate no-fault divorce? So you think the kids will be better off with miserable parents that can't get along legally bound to each other until one of them does something so out-of-line that it's a written into the law that it can't be done during marriage?<BR/><BR/>Yeah, I can really see that helping kids whose parents are falling out of love.<BR/><BR/>Speaking as someone whose parents had a relatively painless separation and now remain on good terms, I think that you underestimate the problems that staying together would pose for some couples.<BR/><BR/>While I'd love to see a less adversarial way of dealing with child custody, I don't see much practical room for improvement without dramatically changing people's attitudes to marriage and children.Arihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10508763710629695750noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770341086445997547.post-39654893986261885892008-08-16T21:42:00.000+12:002008-08-16T21:42:00.000+12:00How can the kids get a better deal after separatio...How can the kids get a better deal after separation or divorce?<BR/>I believe the solution to the problem is the eradication of the no fault divorce system and the hideous terms of custodial and non-custodial parents. We need an early intervention service that provides practical solutions to avoid conflict and the onset by either parent or party, so we can avoid most conflicts that might seriously impact on any innocent children. Caring men and women helping in the community, which may enable any children involved continuing in a settled routine.dad4justicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03399954680761271127noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770341086445997547.post-5524416559074954372008-08-16T16:59:00.000+12:002008-08-16T16:59:00.000+12:00The current climate around single women supporting...The current climate around single women supporting their kids is so horrifying to some that they remain in terrible situtations. By climate I mean solo parent "bashing", the lack of support from society (or family in some instances), the financial hardship. Makes you semi-understand why a woman in a nice financially stable household might put up with a bash (or threat of) every now and again in the interests of providing for her kids.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com