Fat as a political weapon (cross post)

Cross posted at the ex-expat.

When I left university I was obese. I didn't bother stepping on the scales and avoided looking in the mirror because I didn't want to confirm what my size 26 jeans said about me, I was seriously overweight. I hated nothing more when well-meaning people would tell me that I was fine and that it is what is inside that matters to make me feel better. Because in reality, I felt terrible about my appearance and more importantly the extra weight was making me sick. I had frequent lung infections and asthma attacks, I could barely make it up a flight of stairs without having to stop and gasp for air moreover my blood pressure was dangerously high.

Not long afterwards I moved to Asia where I got used to label fat.

The locals were merciless with their use of the word, but to them it was as much of an idle observation about my appearance as my eye colour. However for the Charisma men fat had become a cruel weapon to use against me and any western women who dared challenge their views, particularly if the woman in question was calling them out on their misogynistic behaviour. To be fat was to be unfeminine, aggressive and unloveable, particularly in comparison to the local women. Fat was also a synonym for stupid.

My normal reaction was to give as good as I got, pointing out that their attacks were more a reflection of their own inadequacies as men rather than mine as an overweight white women. But the hateful words still seemed to stick. I hadn't realised how much I had internalised western women's bad press until I saw a group of white women performing on stage and thought 'hey they look kind of chunky.' This would have been a fair point if they performers in question were opera singers however I was watching ballerinas doing their thing.

And then the attacks on me stopped.

I could challenge the charisma men and not be accused of being a ballbreaker or stupid because I had lost 30kgs. Most of my weightloss was done the right way through going to the gym religiously and cutting out all the sugary and deep fried crap that I love from my diet. However sometimes losing weight has also meant skipping meals and sticking my fingers down my throat after a binge if I am having a bad day, which I know is just as unhealthy as downing a deep fried mars bar but it still gave me the result of feeling good and in control. Because for some losing weight isn't just a simple physical equation of increasing exercise and decreasing food intake but a complex set of, at times, irrational emotions.

Has it been worth it?

I have received plenty of compliments about the new look which I would be lying if I said didn't give me an ego boost. However the best change has been in how I feel. I have a lot more energy, I haven't touched my asthma medication in almost 2 years and my blood pressure is well within healthy range. I am reminded how far I have come when when I am loading 20kg weights onto leg press at the gym and realise how much stress that extra weight must have been placing on my body on a daily basis.

However the change I have the most trouble accepting is how my opinions are valued and respected more by men in particular as a non-obese woman than they were when I was overweight. I was reminded about this change when I read some of the comments that have been written about Kate Sutton, a young women who is standing for Epsom at the next election.

There are plenty of reasons that Kate, like any other candidate, could be attacked by her detractors. But instead of being challenged on her political views and experience, the one attack that Kate's enemies like to trot out with alarming frequency is the word that they know hurts her and just about every women on the planet the most, fat. But should a candidate's weight matter? Aside from when an overweight MP is fronting an anti-obesity campaign, which I agree isn't exactly the smartest political move, I can attest as former fattie that my brain works just the same at my current weight as it did when I was obese.

So why is fat used to attack a young woman candidate? Because everyone knows that there are very few women who can comfortably look at themselves naked in the mirror and think 'damn I am hot.' Our brains are hardwired to zero in our cellulite, flabby butts, wrinkles, grey hair, unevenly shaped breasts or zit and think 'god I look terrible.' So let's call this attack for what it is, a viscous and malicious way to put Kate and other young women in their place, out of the political sphere. The more thick-skinned would say that this sort of attacks are part and parcel of being a candidate, and something that women have to deal with if they want to run for office.

However as Deborah points out, women still vote and it is a stupid party that would throw away votes on such a trival issue as apperance.