The baying mob, or How I carry a torch.

So, you are horrified by the “Roast Busters”, and want to make a difference, but what can you do?

In my more frustrated moments, I would love to be that person carrying a torch at the front of a baying mob, crying for justice and making a difference to the outcome of a trial of people who have hurt someone else.

But we don’t live in a village of 100 people. These young men are not the only people out there perpetrating sex crimes. And we HAVE a justice system. It is flawed, but we need to use it so the flaws are SEEN, and changed, and our system can evolve with our understanding of right and wrong. An example of this is that rape used to be legal within marriage, and the laws evolved for the better with our societal changes.

We can’t nor should we, start a mob of people, so here are some ideas for how you can be brave, and carry your torch out into the community and really make a difference.

Be the light at the end of the tunnel.

Volunteer. Work on help lines. Or just be a strong and vocal voice for justice so that people see you as a safe refuge or support when they need it. Advocate for friends who need a voice. Speak for those still too traumatised to speak. Hold your friend’s hand when they decide they are brave enough to speak up, or pursue justice.

Be the voice of reality.

This issue is raising the topic of “what could possibly make young men behave this way.”

Remind people that 1 in 4 women are raped. This act is not a rarity and we live in a rape culture.

It is raising the question of “how to avoid being a victim”

Remind people that: most victims know their rapist.

That most rapes occur in thevictim, or rapist’s home.

That the rapist drinking is of more importance than the victim as far as causation.

Be the person brave enough to discuss “consent”.

People are often confused about what rape is. We need to start talking about the fact that rape isn’t what the media tells us.

Its subtle, it’s discreet, it is friends, it is family. It is quiet, it is dangerous, and it is under reported.

 You can inform them that in research when men are asked if they have “raped” most will say no. But when men are asked if they have “forced a woman who was not your wife or girlfriend at the time to have sex,” or if they had ever “had sex with a woman who was too drunk or drugged to indicate whether she wanted it" that answer changes significantly.*

Be the person who knows the facts.

When talking about false reports, there are more false reports for stolen cars than false reports for rape. As a crime it is under reported and really badly dealt with.

                      This image from the USA is incredibly depressing, and NZ is no better off.

Image is from http://theenlivenproject.com/the-truth-about-false-accusation/ 

Be the killjoy.

Be the person at your work, or social gatherings who when someone makes a rape joke, you look blankly at them and ask why it’s funny. If they have to explain it, it becomes apparent very quickly the rape culture we are living in.

Be the support person.

Be the person who listens without judgement, believes the person talking about abuse, and helps them with WHATEVER THEY CHOOSE TO DO.

Be the person advocating body autonomy for the children and young people around you.

Ask before you hug or kiss friends, family or other people you greet.

When kids don’t want to give you a kiss or hug hello or goodbye, say “that’s ok, kisses and hugs are special and we can ALWAYS choose when to give them.” Empower young people to understand that touch is a choice, and their bodies are their own to control.

Be the person supporting those on the front line.

Donate, remind those around you to donate, and when there are competitions for funding, support organisations who help. Thanks to Natalie for this link here, to resources available.

Not everyone can carry every torch and they are ALL important. Support the other torch bearers. Carry someone else’s for a while to lighten their load.  Accept that we will all need to take a break sometimes.

But as long as we are casting light in our own communities, that will spread, and other people will find the strength to start standing with us.

My love to everyone on the front lines.

X

*These quotes are from the WHO study, and are therefore gendered in this way.

Edit: a new post on this topic here at THM in response to the question "how could this happen"

Auckland Libraries push past expectations...

Keen to see the library buildings used for more than just reading and storage? Want to take back your local library with an event that makes you THINK?

Join Auckland Libraries as they question, challenge and celebrate sex and sexuality on the page, stage and screen with a special series of thought-provoking events for over-18s.

Dark night celebrates diversity across the borders of gender, sexual identity, and sexual orientation. I for one would love a strong feminist group in the audience, especially for the Thursday night panel, and the Dark Night cabaret, where audience input have the capacity to mold the tone of the evening.

The events are as follows, further info can be found at the Auckland Libraries website.
I will see you there! - Scube.

Shame, a film.

Academy Cinema (next to Auckland city Library)

8pm Friday 21^st June

Auckland Library's events series "Dark night" launches with a special screening of Shame, a portrait of sex addiction starring Michael Fassbender and Carey Mulligan. Introduced beforehand by a panel discussion with psychologist Dr. Pani Farvid.
Price $10 or $16 - including a drink. Book online at www.academycinemas.co.nz

Shelley Munro

Wednesday 26 June, 6pm
Leys Institute, Ponsonby
Join erotic romance author Shelley Munro in conversation.

The new erotica?

Central City Library, Whare Wananga, Level 2

1800hrs Thursday 27^th June.

From Fifty shades of grey to erotic fan fiction and the new burlesque, how has erotica changed at the dawn of the 21st century? A panel discussion with Dylan Horrocks, Sam Orchard, Karen Tay, and Tosca Waerea


Dark Night Cabaret

Grey Lynn Library

8pm Friday 28th June.

A night of sultry, saucy cabaret that includes burlesque performers and Fringe Festival stars, alongside frank explorations of sex and sexuality in fact and fiction.
Scuba Nurse will be Hosting the Q&A section of the night with the answers to all those sticky questions... If you would like to submit a question - go to Twitter and use the hash tag #DarkNight

Call Grey Lynn Library to book on (09) 374 1314.

 

 

On Margaret Thatcher and empathy

Margaret Thatcher would have been delighted at the way her death is being treated by the left.  What better compliment could there be for the woman who did as much as she could to dismantle society into a collection of individual men and women than to treat her death as so important?

The neo-liberal project was and is all about shifting our thinking from empathy, from community well-being, from collective action and compassion for others to self-interest, to individual motivation, to all too often, greed.

So dismantling the collective provision of free health care, education, affordable and adequate housing, pensions, provisions for people who are caring for others – all of those mantras of Thatcher and co – while they open up opportunities for profit, also teach us not to care for other people.  Smashing unions, undermining collective employment rights and reducing unemployment protections  – while they keep those seeking and in work desperate to find and keep employment and vulnerable to exploitation, also create competition and antagonism between workers.  To say nothing of the othering of people on benefits which is an ongoing necessity to justify continued cuts to the most vulnerable people in society.



Margaret Thatcher would have revelled in the importance her individual death has been granted because it continues that placing of the individual above society, that privileging of individual agency over the importance of social structures, that she held so dear, that she championed so fiercely.

And she would have loved the lack of empathy on display.  Loved it.  Is there any clearer indication that the values of those seeking to destroy the social contract, seeking to promote selfishness and complete lack of collective responsibility, than the revelling in the death of an old, sick woman that’s been on display over the last few days?

Let’s tell the truth of Margaret Thatcher and other neo-liberals.  Let’s pay attention to her deliberate smashing of dissent by treating the British Police force as her own private army, criminalising protest activities and public gatherings.  Let’s notice that in Thatcher’s case her neo-liberalism was mixed in with social conservatism and nationalism with devastating results for the rights of all minority groups.  Let’s note the woman who hated beneficiaries was herself a beneficiary of the feminist movement, even while she trampled all over women’s rights.

By all means, let’s hate the neo-liberal project and the ways it has unleashed the disgusting, obscene gaps between rich and poor all over the western world by shifting our thinking from care, solidarity and collective responsibility to individual selfishness and greed.  Let’s keep organising, keep showing solidarity, keep championing compassion, equity and justice as guiding values for our society.

But I for one don’t want to celebrate her death, though I understand many, many others seem to feel that need.  She was just an individual, in a society.  And much as I detest her policies, I want to live in a world where empathy rules, not hatred.

Making friends, with fruit trees

Earlier today, before the rain started, I gathered together food, jackets, children and buggy and headed off for a short walk over the ridge, to a leafier part of town.  As we bumbled down the hill towards our destination I could see the people, two big trucks, and the bright shafts of spades.  When we got closer we could make out spindly trees, poking up from the grass, and the flurry of activity from adults and children alike.

This was a community fruit tree planting exercise, organised by the Puketapapa Local Board in response to submissions from the residents in surrounding streets to refresh their tired park and playground.  The renewal of the play equipment was completed earlier this year, and today was the day for all to muck in and make sure these fifteen fruit trees got the best possible start on a sunny slope above the houses.

I love this stuff.  Events like this have been the surprise joy of my local government involvement - local people coming together to achieve positive changes in their community that they can't do on their own.  I didn't get to actually plant a tree, as there was plenty of help from neighbours and I was more useful wrangling children, talking to people about how this happened, and taking photos.  But I've come away with a buzz nonetheless.

Part of the spark I get out of it is from the connections you see people making with each other, and the aha moments you can watch them having as they realise what they have in common, and what they could work on together.

The best examples of this today for me were the woman and her partner who had got the flyer in their letterbox and come along, having recently moved here from another part of Auckland where there was lots of community stuff, keen as beans to get into it here, and three children I came across helping put the mulch bark around the planted trees.  I had a chat to the kids and asked them their names, told them mine, pointed out my kids too, and then asked them if they knew each other before today.  "Nope" was the response.  Half an hour later they were making up their own games to play together on the playground.

Three children spreading bark mulch around a newly planted fruit tree.
From left to right: Emma, Sarah and Dave.

Community building can be as simple as giving neighbours a reason to get together and meet each other. Lots of the people I spoke to today were interested in coming over the hill in a fortnight's time to a poorer part of town to help with a community planting day there.  I look forward to seeing them again, and being able to at least exchange smiles of recognition in the street, on the bus, and in the supermarket. I hope they are feeling as zippy as I am this afternoon!

Women's Choice 2011 - Suffrage eve debate follow up.

cross posted from my place.

A review of the questions and answers.

On Thursday the 22nd of September the Women's Choice 2011 Suffrage Eve Debate took place in an Auckland university lecture theatre with a wonderful mix of over 100 attendees. A speech was given by Dr Judy McGregor, the EEO Commissioner, who did a wonderful job of chairing the evening.

The party reps were:
National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
ACT - Kath McCabe
Mana - Sue Bradford

Three minute stump speeches from each party, were given followed by written questions from a variety of women's organisations, as follows.

NB: I was trying to scribe this with no skills in shorthand, and didn’t do the greatest job. (partly because some pages were smudged with tears of laughter from a very entertaining evening!)
My apologies for any mistakes. The below is paraphrasing of key points as I could catch them, and sometimes it was a bit of a challenge!! If I have missed something or made mistakes, please feel free to email me with changes and I will update this ASAP
I hope you enjoy this review.
Scuba Nurse.

Q From the Campus Feminist Collective
What are the parties doing to empower people who are struggling financially, such as single parents on the DPB, to attain qualifications that will allow them to support themselves and their families? An example of such a a measure would be the discontinued training incentive allowance.

Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
Support for life- long learning.
Does not agree with cuts to education for those over a certain age.
The access for older people in training needs to be reviewed.
Restore funding for the training incentive allowance.

Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
This is an attack on beneficiaries, stop this.
Being a sole parent is doing a job twice and people should have enough money to live on and get training.
Raise the status and value of the parent and sole parent.

Mana - Sue Bradford
Mana is respectful of training.
Reinstate the training incentive allowance.
Lower tertiary fees
Lower student loans
Total overhaul of the benefits system is needed
Universal tax credits.

ACT - Kath McCabe
Why has the quality of education gone down? (Audience member called out “It hasn’t!”)
Funding is going to the wrong end: funding is being spent on student loans not the education providers.
Need to review student allowances
Close to the maori party on some points here.

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
Values education as a liberator
Early childcare available for those who need to get back to school/ work. Especially in areas where attendance is low
Training incentive allowance Level Four National Qualifications Framework courses or above no longer applies.
Focusing on basic numeracy and literacy as a focus.
Student support as a priority.


Q From the Working women’s resource center.
What will your party do to improve the working situation of women who are forced into casual and/or contract work rather than proper employment and who don’t get sick pay, holiday pay, parental leave, professional development or job security.

Mana - Sue Bradford
Collective bargaining is essential.
Unions have been undermined by national.
Committed to do everything they can.
The right to strike returned to workers.

Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
This type of work is becoming prominent, and this is deliberate.
We need to increase rights to strengthen collective bargaining.
The reason women are concentrated in a precarious environment is because they have to seek flexibility to care for families.
Flexible working arrangements to help families would go a long way.

Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
The root of the issues is contracts. They are very bad for women.
Monitoring of women’s work situations is needed.
Collective bargaining should be improved
Equal pay
Not being allowed to discuss contracts means that inequalities continue without question.
Used the example of warner brothers.

ACT - Kath McCabe
Not sure that people are *forced* into casual and contract work.
People choose their work places and plenty of people don’t get sick or holiday pay – they are self-employed.
Used the building industry, and low work levels for said builders as an example of the above.

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
The 90 day trial is helping with this. Migrants and youth and parents are positively affected.
Most people who get jobs retain them, it is working well.
It gives women a chance


Q From the Women’s health action trust.
The government currently has an amending bill in the house which aims to relax the provisions of the 2008 employment relations (breaks, infant feeding, and other matters) amendment act which required employers to provide breaks and facilities (where reasonable and practicable) to support women to breast feed while employed.
What is your party’s position on this?

ACT - Kath McCabe
The key here is “where reasonable and practicable”. Few women are making the hard vocational choices.
Her company has just hired large numbers of international engineers because "New Zealanders won’t take the hard jobs".
Dirty, filthy industrial sites are not appropriate for breast feeding, and women wouldn’t want to feed there.

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
Under current law, mothers have the right to ask, and the employer must respond in a timely fashion.
If not, action can be taken.

Mana - Sue Bradford
The mana party would not support any weakening of the current laws.

Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
"If we are going to discuss dirty high paid jobs, what about parliament?"
One woman breast fed there.
When we talk about support and what is reasonable and practicable, it needs to be what is reasonable and practicable for the BABY not others.
The problem is workplace leaders who don’t have tits and want to make a profit.

Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
Thought amendment being referred to is about workers breaks, rather than specifically breast feeding breaks, but unsure.
Women have kids, and would like to breast feed. We need to support this.
Clean up the workplace and make it safe, for EVERYONE, including breastfeeding mothers.


Q From the YWCA
How will you recognise and address disadvantages faced by our Māori communities’ especially young Māori women?

Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
Recognises gender and ethnic issues.
Policies need to recognise different needs.
When you break down the wage gap beyond simply gender, into ethnicity the disparity for Maori and Pacific island women becomes even more graphic

Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
“Honour the treaty, don’t call me sweety”
Women are discriminated against in the system.
Address the issues and listen to tangatawhenua to ask what THEY want rather than having policy makers who are removed from the issues telling them what to do.
Go to the Hapu and Iwi to consult.

Mana - Sue Bradford
This is a huge problem and the whole of Mana’s policies are focused in these areas.
Respect and self determination
Education gives women a place in the world.
People need wages to live on and should not be separated from their home communities because the system said they cannot return.
Empowerment is key.

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
Referenced the whanau ora policy.
Additional money is needed for additional providers.
Money has been reprioritised for sexual health, teen pregnancy etc.
On the recent media interest in Sex ed, having viewed providers, they were professional and innovative, with accurate info.

ACT - Kath McCabe
"Jackie covered most of it."
Upset by the way young Māori women are characterised by this question.
I know highly regarded women from the Māori community, (gave examples of many high powered roles)
Successful Māori are not celebrated.


Q From ALRANZ
Our 36 year old abortion laws are medically outdated, what action would you like to take to reform the law?

ACT - Kath McCabe
Personally supports decriminalisation.
It will be a conscience vote, and my choice is that it should remain a personal choice.

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
As a former GP she helped many women decide what to do, no one does it lightly, it is a difficult decision.
Supports it being in the health act
Abortion is the choice of a woman and her health provider.

Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
There should be a review, there is currently no Green party consensus.
Personally believes it is a health issue, not a criminal one.
Working on a Green party agreement.

Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
Supports the women’s right to choose.
Safe abortions are currently available but she strongly supports change to the current law which only provides safe abortions to those who are having to work with an unwealdy system, having to lie about their mental health.
Community clamour is needed for this to be reviewed.
Keep pushing for change.

Mana - Sue Bradford
There is no party agreement but she is personally pro-choice.
There is more support needed for pre and post counselling as there is not enough support for women who make that choice and have to go through such a hard time.


Q From the National council of women’s Auckland branch
What is your party’s strategy to reduce increasing poverty in NZ and to close the ever widening gap between rich and poor?

Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
Not with tax cuts for the top 13% or financial bail outs for Canterbury finance that is for sure.
Commitment is needed
Work on the welfare system
Increase minimum wage
Job creation and quality education

Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
This is of vital importance for a fairer society
The gap is growing, there are kids in poverty.
Need to lift minimum wage
Take GST off fruit and vegetables.
1st $5 earned should be tax free
More collective bargaining
Putting funds into research and development and increasing jobs.

Mana - Sue Bradford
Economic justice to lift the income of those at the bottom.
Tax free income threshold for those below the minimum wage
One off hardship benefit by Christmas, which Kevin Rudd did in Australia
Trust routs need to be tackled – the rich are hiding income.

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
Getting those back to work who can work.
Off benefits and back to work
Lift wages and increase economy
Want to keep entrepreneurs and companies here in NZ – supporting businesses.

ACT - Kath McCabe
Recognise that welfare is not for the upper and middle class.
Gave an anecdote of a wealthy family receiving money from “working for families”
Target welfare to those who need it.
GSC2 conditions with trading partners which means difficulty exporting and employing
State is poor at picking winners
Incentivise and assist.


Q From Auckland women’s center.
Given that MMP has drastically improved women’s political representation in parliament, why doesn’t the national party support MMP?

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
That is incorrect. National believes that the choice of voting systems is up to the voters and has chosen to leave the choice to them, without comment.


Q From the Auckland coalition for the safety of women and children.
Many of the changes and cuts that national have made in the last three years have impacted negatively on women and also made it more difficult for them to be safe from abuse.
What will your party do to improve women’s lives and provide more safety for women?

Scuba Nurse: Massive apologies, but my phone ran out of battery and lost this page of notes when it closed unexpectedly..
Does anyone have this?

Q From the Women’s network of NZEI Te Riu Roa
What policies will your party have to help maintain quality public education?

Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
A strong commitment to public education, the first four years of a child’s life are very important.
Critical of cuts to ECE
No one would tolerate high schools where 30% of staff are unqualified, why tolerate it in ECE?
Pro training incentive allowance.
Scrap national standards, replace with REAL standards.

ACT - Kath McCabe
Support the institutions not students for funding.
Sweden has an process initiated by the political left where funding was given to parents, not to the students; and funds were wasted less.
Improved quality of education and empowerment of parents.

Mana - Sue Bradford
All levels of the system need support
John Minto heavily involved in writing their work with this.
Abolish national standards.
Reject public/private partnerships in education.
Recognise Maori/ pacific island special needs. These are currently under recognised.
Update Te reo Maori

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
National values education as a liberator.
1.4 billion is coming to ECE
They are targeting communities with low participation.
1/5 of youth are leaving school without basic education – this is not good enough.
Student loans should remain interest free, but there should be criteria.

Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
Student loans system is flawed.
National standards are not needed.
When they went direct to the users (10-17 year olds) they didn’t want national standards, or particular types of education. They wanted quality relationships with their teachers.
Education needs to be relevant.
Racism should be addressed in schools
Centres are closing due to funding changes, so how can national claim no funding cuts?


Q From Feminist action.
Our justice system results in an abysmal conviction rate for sexual assault. How would your party address this problem?
Mana - Sue Bradford
A special taskforce for sexual assault was discussed for a long time. If Mana was part of the next government they would pick up on those recommendations and get New Zealand out of the dark ages.

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
The victim levy has been a success with $50 paid by perpetrators of crimes going towards services for victims.
The minister of women’s affair’s interventions have informed policy development
ACC is providing 16 counselling sessions to those affected by assault.

Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
The taskforce needs to be fully picked up and acted on.
Improve court processes
The current government haven’t done much.
ACC has been a traumatising experience for those who had to fight for their right to support.
Long term comprehensive approach is needed.
A commission should be made up from the special taskforce for sexual assault and the task force for family violence.

ACT - Kath McCabe
One problem is the police themselves.
After the unfortunate actions of the past, a commission of enquiry has gone some way towards dealing with the issue, but people don’t want to go to the police for help when they have their own issues.
A female minister of police is a good step.
When the accused can cross examine the victim, the system is appalling.

Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
Special victims task force good hearing from minister, but not on the ground level.
After the recent incident with a comedian there is no faith in the system and people are having to think seriously about whether they want to put themselves or their children through this horrific system.
Simon Power has other ideas
Need a cross party consensus.


Q From the Tertiary Education Union’s women’s sector
The literature is clear that high quality early childhood education has significant beneficial benefits for those children and society as a whole. The funding for ECE however has been savages under National/ACT.
Will your party increase funding in this area, particularly in low socioeconomic areas where the impact of provision of high quality ECE would make the most impact?

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
It wasn’t savaged.
This funding is the most the ECE has ever had.
Focus has been largely on areas with lower participation.
3500 new ECE places.

Mana - Sue Bradford
Mana has strong policy in this area and is passionate about increased funding for ECE and education led groups.
No public funding for profit led early childhood education.
Increase the provision of support for struggling areas.
Have ECE promote the link with schools in the same area.
Review and refocus on te reo Maori.
An annual audit on Te reo Maori providers is needed to keep a level of quality.

ACT - Kath McCabe
Don’t impose the governments will on the decision of parents to choose education providers
Struggling family’s need support and second income, and ECE supports both parents working.

Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
There is a big announcement coming, and so cannot speak too much on this.
20 hours free.
It is not true that there haven’t been cuts
Facilities with 100% qualified staff are being penalised under current funding.
Ensure that all children have the best possible start.

Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
There is a profit industry of baby barns.
Mothers are being forced back out to work, and this is not a victory for feminism.
80% of Maori and Pacific Island are just applying to the nearest provider rather than choosing. The market is deciding, rather than it being parent driven.
Not good enough.


Q From the Service and Food workers union. Nga ringa tota women’s sector.
Pay equity is not about individual women negotiating a better deal for themselves but about whole groups of workers who are paid less simply because most of those doing their work are women. It’s about valuing the work women often do, like caring for our most vulnerable citizens.
What specific actions would your party put in place, should you be in government and in a position to implement these, to lift the wages of caregivers and other mainly women workers like cleaners?

ACT - Kath McCabe“I am going to rephrase the question.”
Met a Russian surgeon who said that in Russia the majority of surgeons are female, and truck drivers are male. Surgeons ended up lower paid than truck drivers because women’s work is not valued, no matter what it is.
This is a perception problem.
Adult rate for youth means less jobs for youth.
The issue is 2/3 the recession.

Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
Increase minimum wage.
Narrow the gap.
Promote equality in the workplace.
We need roles traditionally seen as women’s work valued. If women take “men’s” jobs to try to increase income, who will be the caregivers?

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
Lift all wages.
Hard times, national policy is needed to strengthen national industry.
Boost the economy, support businesses and increase education and skills training.
Pay gender gap is because women are in low paid roles
The Gender pay gap is at 10.6% which is the lowest it has ever been.

Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
The statistics mentioned by Jackie can be read in so many different ways.
Structural help is needed. Bring back recommendations and actually implement them.
Test wages.
A structural commitment should be given.
Pansy Wong says women need to talk about rugby and be a plumber, but women and their work should be valued in their own right.

Mana - Sue Bradford
The incident with Alasdair Thompson exposed how employers think.
We need to lift wages now!
Workers in sectors that are undervalued need support, they are “invisibilised”.

Tall Poppy syndrome is alive and well in the blogosphere

There is feminism, and then there is Feminism.
There is first wave, second wave, a token wave to, and ‘the revelation hit me like a wave” Feminism.
There are young people just learning and starting out, and older women who have battled for a generation or more already.
None of us are alike, but all are invested in equality, it is only our knowledge of the world around us that varies how we practice what we do.

I must confess that one of the biggest deterrents to blogging was the large amount of sniping and criticism that goes on in blogging circles.
This isn’t a “lady problem” or even uniquely feminist. I find the same thing in atheist circles, parenting blogs, and science groups.
If someone is passionate enough about something to write at least once a week on the topic, then they have got confirmed theories, opinions and issues around the topic already. Add to the mix the amount of anger that can stand behind marginalised groups, and the fact that each person is a different medley of minorities and it is a volatile mix.

I love the debate of the comments sections because I can choose or not choose to engage.
It gives all sides an opportunity to explain themselves if needed, and provides an open forum to potential resolution and understanding in both parties.

I’m less fond of the growing trend of passive aggression by the way of writing a critical analysis of someone else’s point of view and separating into two camps without constructive discussion between the two. It's all well and good if you overtly disagree with the entire thing (my example would be the tits out campaign). However if you like a concept but they have missed mentioning something that is YOUR baby (whether it is the forgetting the inclusion of your group, or the way something is worded) don’t immediately run back to base and undermine an entire cause.
Discuss with the organisers your concerns in private.
Discuss with the organisers your concerns in public.
Then look at reasons that have been put out there, and if they are still unreasonable by all means, step up and take a stand.

Before you do all this, take a look at the organisers.
A corporate group with their own legal team and plenty of moolah to research should know better, and should take feedback on board and make changes swiftly.
(Hello The Rock FM and HAHAHAHA to your latest ratings btw).
A volunteer group may not have the resources, but should also have people’s best interests at heart.
A blogger... well who are they?
Are they just some shmuck who likes to write, a person with their own passions for human rights but a fledgling knowledge of all the issues?
Or are they a well informed person who should know better and is well respected and widely read?
Are they a cover for someone on the other side trying to undermine a cause?
(The “vote on my abortion” fiasco would be a good example of this).

Take a look at who you are trying change, and why.
The range of opinions on the internet is what makes it so cool, and I would hate to pasteurise our feminist movement through fear of criticism.

So next time you decide to jump on a good cause because there is something you don’t like about it take a deep breath.
Is it really their job to cover ALL the issues at once?
Is there a trend of offensive behaviour or exclusion?
Have you even asked why they have done what they did?
Have you given them the opportunity to improve?
What are YOU willing to do as far as putting in working hours to help find a solution?

Or are you just doing this to bolster your own profile and have something to write about in your own space?
Tall poppy syndrome is international, not just a kiwi issue. The internet has shown this to me.


Disclaimer: I started writing this when I first started my blog and it always sounded like "why are people so meeeeeean?" it has taken me this long to whittle it to a more functional version. If I didn’t know you 18 months ago, it has nothing to do with you! (except you jerks mentioned in the examples!)

Youth Workshop in Waitemata (Akl)

Message via the awesome Auckland Women's Centre:

The Waitemata Local Board is developing its first local board plan that sets out the community’s aspirations, priorities, and preferences for the next three years and beyond. Youth issues and youth engagement are some of our priorities.  They've set up a Youth Workshop to set things moving on their local board plan, and are looking for school-aged young people interested in Central Auckland and surrounding suburbs. Whether the kids live here, travel into the area to go to school, or like to spend time here on weekends, they are all welcome.


Do you want to make central Auckland a better place for young people?


Almost half (48%) of the people living in the city centre and central suburbs of the Waitemata local board area are aged under 30.


The Waitemata Local Board, part of the Auckland Council, is developing a plan for the area and want to know what you think.


Hi, I’m Jesse Chalmers, the Waitemata Local Board member youth contact. I want to invite you to
share your thoughts at a workshop for young people:


When: Wednesday 13 April 4-6pm

Where: Jubilee Library Room, Auckland Girls Grammar School.


The workshop will be a fun and informal session for you to share your views on topics like events, the environment, transport and parks. We value your involvement and want you to be a part of the future look of this area. This is your opportunity to help make Auckland better for young people.


Delicious snacks will be provided!



To let us know you’re coming do one of these easy things:

1. Txt me, Jesse, on 021 344 174

2. Join the event on Facebook

3. Tell your teacher


To find about more about the event, you can contact me (021 344 174, jesse.chalmers@aucklandcouncil.govt.nz )


More information on the Waitemata Local Board and community engagement on our plan.


If you are can’t make it this event and you want to share your ideas and thoughts check out the Waitemata Local Board Facebook page.


Thanks and I hope to see you soon.
Jesse Chalmers,

Waitemata Local Board member

EDEN seeking new governance board members (Akl)

Many thanks to Nikki for the alert:

Kia ora koutou,

EDEN (Eating Difficulties Education Network) is seeking several new fabulous people to join its governance board.  EDEN is a not for profit organisation based in Westmere, Auckland which aims to promote  body trust, size acceptance and diversity on an individual and societal level.

Governance members are volunteers who oversee the management, governance and strategic direction of the organisation. We are proud  to lead a charitable organisation that is feminist, consumer and community focussed.

EDEN aims to:

•   shift view of health from one that is 'weight-based' to one that centres on a holistic view of wellbeing incorporating physical,emotional, psychological and spiritual elements.
•   eliminate discrimination based on size and shape
•   promote body safe cultures
•   support people with food and body image issues
•   empower people and promote self-esteem

We do this via:

• health promotion services
•  education - engaging in successful school programmes, training and workshops
•  social change - informing, advocating, challenging messages and promoting an alternative view
•  support groups
•  resourcing - library, media, web site and drop in services
•  individual change - EDEN counselling services

We are interested in women who may have some or all of the following:

• Is passionate about eating disorders and/or body image issues
• Interest in the governance of a community NGO
• Experience and/or expertise in finance; HR; training and developing; policy development and implementation; strategic planning; business development; fundraising; legal; media, accounting; advertising; IT etc.
• Cultural and disability awareness and experiences
• Able to give 4-8 hours per month
• Proactive team member
• Email and computer literate

For more information and to get an application form contact EDEN at info@eden.org.nz or phone (09) 378 9039

Please note that while EDEN values and considers central, the experiences and expertise of those who are 'recovering' from an eating difficulty or disorder, it is not appropriate for people who are currently in any kind of treatment for these problems, to be on the EDEN governance board. In addition, previous EDEN counselling clients and support group members who wish to apply for EDEN governance roles will require special consideration and these applications will be assessed on a case by case basis.

leading active & fulfilling lives

this is a follow-up post to this one about the muslim women's conference last weekend, for those who are interested. as i mentioned, we've been having these conferences every year since 1990, with a 3 year gap around 2001 to 2004, when i think the whole community was feeling pretty disspirited. for each conference we have a theme, and in the past we've had themes such as education, the environment, and last year's was "raising children in western society". this year's theme was "muslim women leading active & fulfilling lives".

the speakers at our conferences are almost all women. we've only ever had three male speakers in all these years: in 2006 when the race relations commissioner and the FIANZ president were invited to speak at the public forum, and this year, when the current president was also invited to speak. other than that, this is a conference for women, run by women, on issues that are of importance to us.

the difference with this year's conference was the amount of physical activity. in previous years, we've always had an exercise component, usually fulfilled with an early morning walk. but this time, we had someone from sports waikato come in and run a session called "sit and be fit". this was more targeted to the senior women and those with less flexibility, although all the women took part. the teens were busy in a separate room, getting to know each other & doing a trash-to-fashion thing that was judged by the rest of us later in the evening.

the main physical activity was on saturday afternoon. it was pouring down with rain, and yet the women were still enthusiastic and excited. a group of them went on the horse riding/canoeing trip, another group did rock climbing/waka ama, and the third group (those who were less mobile) went out to visit the clydesdales and have a ride on the wagon. for many of the women around the country, this was a first. for us hamilton women, well some of us have already been doing this stuff over the last couple of years. we're lucky to have a wonderful woman in our community who organises this stuff for us.

you may wonder how the women manage to take part in these physical acitivities with their style of dressing. it was made easier for them by hiring female instructors, and many of them wore jeans or track pants with long tops. i'm not sure if there were any niqab-wearing women doing the rock-climbing thing, but we've certainly had a woman in niqab do horse-riding and waka ama in the past.

saturday morning was busy with a range of workshops. we had one on the media, targetted towards young women, and run by the lovely dr sapna samant from holy cow media. there was another one on how to set up a childcare centre by a muslim woman from christchurch who has done this and is now running her own successful centre. there was one on optimism and resiliency, and another on "active citizenship and supporting community" run by ann dysart from MSD. tariana turia was supposed to be running a workshop, but she kind of got caught up with other things.

there was another one on legal rights and responsibilities, run by women from the fatimah foundation. this one covered the immigration act, s59 of the crimes act, domestic violence legislation and a component on self-care. we've actually received funding from the american east asia pacific development programme, with support from the american embassy, to run this particular workshop & it will be taken around the country.

we had a public session at midday on saturday, which was really well attended. our overseas speaker, silma ihram, gave a great speech which i actually managed to get to. saturday night was the conference dinner, and sunday was our AGM.

at the AGM, when we were talking about plans for the coming year, one of the women ended up telling us her very moving story of having a son who was a drug addict at age 16. it came up because we want to run a series of workshops across the country on drug and alcohol education across the country. when we suggested it, we got the expected look on many women's faces: our community doesn't need this! we don't do alcohol or drugs. except the reality is that there are young people suffering from addiction, and there is now a small number of women in jail for these kinds of offences. prison visits have been started in auckland, but there is so much more need for awareness in our community, and the need to develop support systems for families who have to deal with these issues.

so i'm hoping that we get around to doing that, once the legal workshops have been delivered. it will be dependent on access to funding, and of course social services are the most poorly funded area of endeavour in this country.

one of the difficult issues we faced in hamilton was getting a venue. many of the camp grounds are owned by christian groups who weren't prepared to hire them to us. we had that trouble with a boarding school as well. other venues had catering contracts in place, and those contracts come at a pretty high price - certainly more than we could afford to spend on food. it's really frustrating when community groups are kept out of publicly owned venues because of such contracts.

still, it all got done and the feedback from the conference has been really positive. it was a lot of hard work for a dedicated group of women, but because the conference rotates around the country, it won't be our turn again for another 5 years. so we can put our feet up and enjoy the conferences run by women in other cities for the next few years.

What are your plans for 2011?

The New Year has drifted upon us, in a haze of summer days. Did you make any New Year resolutions? And what are your plans for 2011? Leave a comment and tell us what's in store for you this year.