The voices that shouldn't be drowned out

It appears I may have been too hasty in my previous criticism of the hearld's reporting on abortion. Today's offering written by a young women who had just gone through with process is a must-read for all those who seek to pass comment on this issue.

Whoever you are, I thank you for sharing your experience. I can't begin to imagine how difficult it is to be recovering from the process while what must have seemed like the rest of the country were throwing their 2 cents in on your decision. As someone who has been there let me tell you that though it might not seem like it now, the pain will eventually subside and so to the guilt. Please don't feel bad if you actually feel relieved at this point, that is a normal emotion as are the others that you are feeling.

In a similar vein, I've been collecting comments from those whose lives have been touched by abortion. I've bee staggered at how little comment has been passed by those whose voices should count the most, the women and their partners who have actually been there.

"I too have had an unexpected pregnancy when in fact I was on the pill and trying to be responsible. Yes I went ahead and had an abortion, and some years later had two lovely children when they could be provided for and supported in a loving home. Yes I could have adopted the child out, or gone on the DPB and made it my lifestyle. I don't regret doing what I did, I think the team who supported me through the decision and completion of this were remarkable people, the people who sit there on their high horse trying to make people who are "mentally fit"to carry a child, go ahead with it, grow up and get a life, unless you have been there you have no right passing judgement on others.Thank you again to the lovely medical staff who were there when I needed them."
Anne

"I know from my own experience - loosing a baby to adoption has been a life long trauma. Having this experience to compare with I know abortion much easier to live with. I have felt suicidal over adoption loss - but feel enormous relief about abortion still - 25 years later. Adoption decision was made when I was vulnerable to make the persuaders happy. Baby was the last one they thought of."
Pruedence

"My ex-Girlfriend and I went through the whole process a few years back and it is as you have described, very thorough. It's not something you can just pop down to your local clinic and have done on a "whim" as these bible-bashers seem to be suggesting. As always, two hands in emotion and none in reality."
sepsism

"Speaking from a personal experience it is not an easy decision to make and one that haunts you for the rest of your life, there are many thoughts, regrets and wishes that things were different. Once done however it can never be undone and the mental anguish that follows through life is often not foreseen as part of the decision making process at the time. Now working in the medical profession and having being involved in these procedures as part of my job the thing I have realised it that each case needs to be thought about on its own merits and carefully discussed with the appropriate health workers - consultants, counsellors and most importantly the women and her support people. I don't believe there is any black and white answers to this issue and I do believe the legislation must stand, however I think that it is sometimes all too easy to 'modify dates' and the clause that takes into account 'the detrimental effect of mental well being of the mother' also needs to be explored and clarified. We believe that a termination may take place until 12 weeks, this can be stretched and that needs to stop." Teresa

"During our first pregnancy we found out via an ultrasound and genetic test that our baby had a terminal condition called triploidy. Just one of those random things that happen. Most babies terminate, some go full term then die. It was a hard choice for us, but we decided to terminate the pregnancy then instead of waiting for the inevitable.

On the way to the hospital that morning there were a couple of people standing out the front of Wellington hospital with their anti-abortion placards. Thankfully my wife was throwing up at the time and didn't see them, it just would have made it that much more traumatic for her at the time.

I had to stop myself going back there to give them a piece of my mind, acknowledging them just would have made them happy.

Its never cut and dry, but we were glad we could make the choice that best suited the situation or all of us.

We have a son now, but still remember our first baby."
Jackryan

"I was pregnant with my partner and we had an abortion as we couldnt afford to have a baby. Yeah we hate that we had to have one but we want to bring a child ionto the world that we can give what its needs and wants and to be able to support the wee one.

I think to have an abortion you should have a good reason not to just have one as you didnt have protection and was silly. You have to have a good reason like if you can afford to have it kind of thing. I would never have an abortion again as i went thru so much pain. But this is a female and the fathers decision!! "
Sarah

"I fell pregnant at 17 and straight away organised for an abortion. However, after actually telling my (now ex) partner and family and talking to them about it I decided against an abortion. When I went to see the "counsellor" with my partner she told him to leave the room and convinced me that I wasn't making my own decision and that I really did want an abortion. Which may have been true, because I am so glad that I didn't have the baby. In saying that, I think the procedures should be looked into because it seems it's not only 'abortion on request' but 'abortion by default' . I am Pro-Choice, but they don't really give you much choice from my experience and the counsellors are crap. Except in my case it worked out for me but for others it may not."
S L

"Having a termination is not always about ending the culmination of a stray root with a stranger after too many cocktails.

Sometimes it is a necessary, very conscious, and ultimately heartbreaking decision made by two people, already loving parents, for the greater good. I don’t know how to articulate my argument except to explain a real story from a real person’s life – mine, as it happens.

This year I had an abortion at 23 weeks 5 days gestation. The reasons and the process was this: I had low amniotic fluid caused by bleeding (placental abruption) from 13 weeks. Amniotic fluid is required for lung development and lack of it causes premature labour. Despite good growth of our baby girl, the amniotic fluid was depleting fast.

At 23 week 3 days gestation we were told by a specialist at the fetal medicine clinic that the likelihood of our baby developing lungs was 2%. At which point we were offered a termination, based on severe fetal abnormality, if a second specialist agreed. We decided that because of this and the baby would be born close to viability (24 weeks) and with the premature problems associated (Cerebral palsy or death) that we would terminate.

To do this we had to get the support of the second specialist. The following day, based on the notes only, the second specialist was more positive about the chances of survival. We had already made the decision to terminate (and told family and come to terms with our decision) based on the previous specialists advice, so were flummoxed by the second specialist’s more positive prognosis.

We spent an hour being given false hope. Once a room became available for an ultrasound scan the second specialist examined me. She told us what little amniotic fluid detected the previous day by the first specialist had completely gone and she apologised profusely and agreed a severe fetal abnormality was the likely outcome.

The problem now was convincing the hospital bureaucracy -- because a termination at 23 weeks 5 days was just two days before it was illegal (i.e. the baby was considered viableat 24 weeks). We had to move quick, otherwise the option would be gone to us. The specialists advised us that a termination in these circumstances was preferable for all concerned because the trauma, for the mother and medical staff of the baby crying at birth, then inevitably dying.

The specialist managed to convince the hospital bureaucracy to allow the termination, not on the grounds of maternal mental health, as suggested previously (I wasn’t playing crazy bitch for anyone) but based on very poor fetal prognosis.

The following day we went to have the termination procedure. A dose of Pethadine for me and a needle through the womb, into the heart. It hadn’t occurred to me yet, but I still had to give birth.

I went home and waited for for labour to start. It did 24 hours later. After five hours of painful labour I gave birth. A silent birth. Our baby girl was cleaned and dressed. Photographs were taken. My partner held her, I looked.

Too easy? No. But the right decision. Yes."
Anon for obvious reasons