Me: These dresses with scratch and sniff fruit are great. Are there any scratch and sniff clothes for boys?
Shop Assistant: No, I'm not sure what you'd do scratch and sniff for a boy.
Shop Assistant: Hmmmm, maybe apples? They might be gender neutral.
Me: Ah, yeah, apples. I'll just take the dress thanks.
This is not a story in which I come up with an undeniably witty, yet subtly consciousness-raising, retort. I thought about writing it that way, but that would be lying. Like most mortals, I think of the right thing to say several hours after the right time to say it has passed.
But I'm intrigued by this attitude that there is girlfruit. Strawberries and grapes are apparently sternly in the girlfruit camp, as they were the two options for the scratch and sniff dresses, all of which came in girly pastel shades (a mid purple was the manliest option).
Apples, as already mentioned, may be gender neutral. I'm not sure whether all apples are androgynous, or just the green ones, seeing as how on a previous occasion, at a different children's clothing store, I was informed that red socks were without doubt girlclothes.
Perhaps I'm thinking about this all wrong. Maybe all fruit is girlfruit, but all vegetables are boyveg? I mean really, when you consider it; courgettes, celery, carrots, parsnips, marrows and silverbeet are all a little, well, phallic, don't you think?