my first pregnancy was an accident. i really didn't want to be pregnant, and seriously thought about an abortion. in the end, i went through with it because i thought it wasn't fair to punish my child-to-be for my own particular problems. once i'd decided to go ahead, instinct/nature seemed to take over, and it wasn't too long before i was happy with the pregnancy and feeling a precious connection with the thing fluttering (and later kicking and hiiccuping) in my tummy.
the second pregnancy wasn't so easy. from the time i wanted to be pregnant til the time i conceived was about 18 months. i can't say that i was majorly stressed out, but it did bother me. and i hated all the nosy, overly-concerned relatives and friends advising me that i shouldn't wait so long before having another one, and i shouldn't have an only child. thankfully i did get pregnant, which shut them for a little while (then they started on the "when are you going to start trying for a boy?" it just never ends!).
so i have a very little experience of what it's like to not get pregnant when you want to. it's not much. it's not anything like the experience of a friend of mine who has spent the last couple of years spending tens of thousands of dollars on expensive IVF treatments, desperately trying to get pregnant.
in her latest attempt, she conceived triplets, but one by one they died. she miscarried the last one a few days ago. another hope shattered, another bundle of cash down the tubes. it's hard to watch her pain, it must be worse for her to feel it.
i comfort her in the best way i can. i tell to keep remembering all the good things in her life, to be thankful for the love and support around her, for her general health & well-being, for her nice house and comfortable lifestyle. just keep concentrating on the good stuff, there's so much you could lose, appreciate it while you have it.
it seems to help, but even as i say it, i know that there's no way for me to really understand how she feels. it's all very well to think of the logic of the situation, to know that there are many people that are much worse off than her on this planet, from a lack of much more basic needs. it's all very well to counsel patience, but i know it's not always realistic when wanting to have your own child is as much biological as it is cerebral.
so my thoughts are with my friend, as she goes through her struggle. hopefully she can find a place in her life where there is peace and she can find happiness in other ways if pregnancy doesn't happen for her.