I was going to write something on the "the bitch made me do it" defence offered up in the trial of Sophie Elliot, but I see Anjum has already beaten me to it. Thank christ, that case was really too horrible for words.
So instead I'm going to go on bad teen movie nostalgia trip.
Zuh? You may be wondering what the hell does a gruesome murder have to do with bad teen movies.
The answer would be the "Nice Guy."
Many a teen movie is built around the idea of the "Nice Guy." There's the "Nice Guy" who wants to get things going with beautiful girl who only dates arseholes until one day she finally sees the light and they get together. ike Preston Myers in Can't Hardly Wait and poor old Duckie in Pretty in Pink if John Hughes had got the ending he wanted. Alternatively we have the nice guy who only wants the beautiful girl who is a total bitch and treats him badly until one day he sees the light and turns to his supposedly less attractive, but much more lovely in personality, overlooked female best friend. Think of Emilio Estevez hooking with up with Ally Sheedy's character in the Breakfast club or Some Kind of Wonderful the lesser-known of John Hughes teen movie classics.
We have all at some point another heard the rantings of self-professed "Nice Guys." They'll complain ad museum about how "Nice Guys finish last" and that women must WANT to be treated like shit, because he, the "Nice Guy," has failed repeatedly in relationships. Excuse me while I go hurl. It is such an incredibly arrogant thing to claim, "I’m such a good person, and she never chose me so she's the arsehole." But apparently the idea that the problem may in fact be with the "Nice Guy" never enters their head. I suppose it is because they are too busy being "nice."
So aunty ex-expat is going to offer up a valuable piece advice for all those self-described "nice guys." Being "nice" does not make up for stuff like lacking a personality, a sense of humour, confidence and humility. If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU.
Also nice guy or not, if you’re in a relationship romantic or otherwise where the like where one person is far more adoring than the other, then you’ve got to expect that the results may not be pretty. From the perspective of the person who is taking, it doesn’t necessarily occur to them that they "owe" you something especially if you haven't clearly communicated your desires and expectations. You can’t really be that bitter when you’ve put yourself in a position to be trodden over. If you don't want to "just be friends", why not grow a spine and tell your object of affection that? There's a 50% chance she might say yes, but if she says no, then you've saved yourself all that emotional energy from chasing a girl that to borrow another bad movie title, just isn't that in to you.
The truth of the matter is if you’re truly a "nice guy" you don’t need these kind of excuses. The guys I know are neither "nice guys" or "bad guys", merely "guys." However, the truly nice guys that I’ve met, regardless of their romantic experiences, good or bad, are STILL nice guys, not closet misogynists looking for an excuse to cover up their own romantic incompetence (or should that be impotence?).
Honestly, I think the adage should be changed to nice guys who don't communicate their desires properly but still expect to get laid finish last.