First of all a big thank you for all your nice comments in my last post.
I got back to New Zealand very late on Monday night and my wonderful midwife had already gotten the early pregnancy unit to call me first thing Tuesday and had my D&C today. I know that miscarriage is a 'natural process' but quite frankly I couldn't contemplate waiting days or even weeks for my body to expel the womb contents when all I really want to do is to get on with my life.
So this morning off I went to Greenlane for the final stage of this pregnancy.
Unfortunately just as I was about to enter the centre, I came into contact with a man with placards reading 'thanks mum' with pictures of a little fetus on them and a phone number for pregnancy counselling services.
Fortunately I was most definitely in the 'anger' stage of the grieving process. I was livid that this man probably hadn't even considered in his rush to save the 'unborn' that there might be women walking into Greenlane with very much wanted but non-viable babies in our tummies who didn't need yet another reminder that our pregnancy had failed
And boy did I let him know.
I don't think I have ever experienced the kind of violent rage before in my life. I could literally see flashes of white as I sucked in air between screams.
Rather than feeling upset afterwards I felt oddly at peace. The anger at the injustice of why my pregnancy ended while other people more undeserving people get to keep their babies had been welling up inside for days. The Suit had experienced some of it but that placard holder was a giant fucking lightening rod for all my rage and quite frankly I can't think of more deserving target.
And it's not just because I disagree with his views.
It's because there's a time and place for everything even political debate. It is a mark of a civilized society that everyone, especially the people you might disagree with, deserves a bit of dignity in times of distress. I'd like to think my outburst might make this group stop and re-think their tactics but somehow I doubt it. Clearly their compassion only extends to those babies who could be born rather than the ones who never will. And as for the women who for one reason or another won't be giving birth, our humanity just doesn't matter.
P.S I could totally see why Michael Jackson could get hooked on the drugs they use for general anesthetic. Oh boy did I feel like I could fly like a fairy after waking up although that might have been from the huge amount of blood I lost afterwards.