Oh I had such plans for today. There would be some nice things in the morning with Wriggly and my Mum, and some blogging this afternoon while the toddler slept, maybe some baking, certainly a decent dinner prepared. I thought I was so over it all, moving on and feeling good again.
But I'm not over it and I'm not feeling good and I'm not managing to do much to plan today. It's been two years since my Dad died, and although it's not constantly at the forefront of my mind, it's undeniably making me sad, grumpy and not that great to be around. I got frustrated at some work colleagues (yes I have the day off, I usually do schedule difficult Dad-related anniversaries as days off if I can, but apparently something was urgent), was uninspired company for my mother, yelled at my son when he was naughty, was largely unexcited by one of the really very nice things I did this morning, and am generally feeling worn down by everything that I hear on the radio or see on the interwebz.
So I am going to bed. Maybe when I wake up I can pretend it's not today anymore. Sorry about the lack of quality blogging, particularly the post(s) I've been hoping to write on women's representation on boards and the like. I can't make any promises for the weekend, as this funk may last several days, but one day I will get around to it I'm sure.
And it just goes to show, even when you think you're through, even when you think you're over it, sometimes you just aren't.
12 comments:
Grief isn't a one-off event.
Hey love - xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Take your time!
xo
Time really does make a difference. But it can be a long time. I've found that for me, it takes about 4.5 to 5 years to adjust to major life changes, 'though it is easier after a couple of years or so.
{{{Sympathy}}}
Julie, I hope you don't mind my commenting on something so personal. Your Dad wouldn't have wanted you to be this sad. Or too hard on yourself. But I know if it was my Dad there isn't anything anyone could say to take away the pain. So I just hope you feel better sooner. Each time.
hey babe, big huge hugs, my grandma died on my 27th birthday, 6 years next month and I miss her like anything, I cant imagine life without my dad but I think that 2 years is nothing and giref sure as heck doesnt follow a timeline.
Julie you have my deepest sympathies. Loss is loss, and everyone has to take the time they need to cope.
Feeling like this is a tribute to your father. Had you not loved him so much the hole his death has left in your family and your life wouldn't hurt so much.
But just as time heals a physical wound, so can it help an emotional one. There will always be a scar, but the pain will diminish.
Be gentle on yourself.
It might help to accept the love of those still with you as aspirin for painful emotions.
thinking of you. hope you feel better soon.
My thoughts are with you. It's so hard.x
Yes, just when you think you've some to terms with your loss and are coping really well, the grief jumps out again and takes you by surprise. But you understand all this and you're not trying to pretend everything's okay, so you're doing great. Arohanui, Anne
Hi Julie,
I hope you're finding time to remember the reasons you miss your Dad too. Those are the things that usually make me cry, and for me at least, that's usually a good way to honour my relationship with the person.
He must have been a beautiful man.
Arohanui, Sandra
Thanks folks. And special thanks to Anjum for stepping up the posting while I'm absent too.
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