Saturday, 21 January 2012
at 7:15 pm by anthea
This image has been floating round on my Facebook feed over the past few days, and it's not the first of it's kind. And I understand what people are reacting to, and that it's primarily a reaction to the hypocrisy of those who view same-sex marriage as a threat to their - generally unrealistic - ideals of mixed-sex marriage. But that doesn't make me comfortable with that; as a queer woman one thing I really have zero interest in doing is critiquing the validity of other people's relationships. Sure, some of the practices listed above may be unethical (and others I'd need more information to determine, which I don't care to seek out) but that makes them relationships with bad things going on in them, not non-relationships.
And yeah, it's tempting to turn around, when someone says that queers are destroying traditional marriage (which is, apparently, a bad thing) and list all those examples. But that means letting people who think there are valid and invalid relationships (and that same sex ones fall into the latter category) define the terms of the argument. And the next thing you know, we're falling over ourselves trying to prove why our relationships are valid - we've been together for twenty years, we're completely monogamous, we have three kids, we own a house, we celebrate a big family Christmas...
Our relationships may be all that, and they may be none of that. They're valid because we say they are. And I don't begrudge Britney her 55 hour marriage one fucking bit.