Monday, 19 August 2013

Sour grapes from Family First

On the day that many people are celebrating the first marriages able to be made between same sex partners in Aotearoa New Zealand, Family First have got their grump on.

They've sent out a really odious email, which I'm going to share after the jump because you probably don't really want that kind of hateful lying in your day, but just in case you do,you'll wan to click on the Read More, when you get there.

Instead of celebrating that more people are now able to enter the institution they claim they value highly, they are making sour aspersions that incest, polygamy and self-marriage (why would it be terrible to love yourself?) are coming, when today's change of forms to inclusive language does nothing of the kind.

If we cannot recognise the changing nature of marriage, and that it is not an institution carved instone on the back of the Ten Commandments, then Family First should also be advocating a return to bans on marriages between different racial groups, different religions,  and the need for the consent of any female parties.

Alright - make with the clicky if you have the resources to be disgusted, otherwise here's a picture of a puppy with a Hello Kitty and a cupcake:

Email from Family First

Subject:  Down at the Registry Office...
In light of today being the first day that genderless 'marriages' have been introduced in to New Zealand, we thought this commentary was timely.

"Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage licence."
"Tim and Jim Jones."
"Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance."
"Yes, we're brothers."
"Brothers? You can't get married."
"Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licences to same gender couples?"
"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest! Why do you want to get married?"
"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don't have any other prospects."
"But we're issuing marriage licences to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman."
"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim."
"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?"
"All right, all right. I'll give you your licence. Next."
"Hi. We are here to get married."
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."
"Who wants to marry whom?"
"We all want to marry each other."
"But there are four of you!"
"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."
"But we've only been granting licences to gay and lesbian couples."
"So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"
"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples."
"Since when are you standing on tradition?"
"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."
"Who says? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The politicians said there should be equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage licence!"
"All right, all right. Next."
"Hello, I'd like a marriage licence."
"In what names?"
"David Deets."
"And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry myself."
"Marry yourself? What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return........"
"That does it! I quit! You people are making a mockery of marriage!"
(Source unknown)

We trust that gives you a smile on a Monday! Says it all, doesn't it.

Have a good week.

Bob McCoskrie
National Director


A_Nonny_Moose said...


1) There is law against incest and marrying immediate family. This is so ignorant I can't even.
2) FF are confused. Bisexuals can marry each other, that's the point of Marriage Equality for same sex couples. They're dog whistling on polyamory here (and as I understand it, there are people with rightful issues wrt to polyamory not getting a look in)
3) Let's mock people with mental health issues shall we?

FF - showing they don't understand the law, gender OR sexualities AT ALL since forever. Why doesn't McCroskie pack off to Russia - he'd be welcome there, obvs.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to marry myself and then get divorced and take half of everything.

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Psycho Milt said...

Why am I completely unsurprised that Bob McCroskie doesn't know what a bisexual is?

Anonymous said...

Bob McCoskrie, the Man-Bartlett for A New Century (Unfortunately, it's the Seventeenth...)

Anonymous said...

Here's my riposte to McCrockoshite's feeble attempt at "humour":

“Hello? Look, just thought I should warn you. There are a horde of slobbering, raving fundamentalists dragging their knuckles toward your registry office after the same-sex marriages you performed today.”

“Cheers, mate. Don’t worry. I can take care of them. Now, who’s up first? Okay, you three…?”

“Good morninge, sirre. I amme Ladislau Krun and these arre mine espoused to be, Francesca and Brunnhilde. We art seventeenth century Lutheran polygamistes.”

“Er, you’re polygamists? Sorry, that’s illegal in New Zealand under Section 205 of the Crimes Act 1961.”

“Butte thatte is againste our religious liberties!!!”

“Religious liberty?”

“Aye, in which if thou art religious, thou can takest all the liberties thou wantest with the law of the land and free speeche. Our conscience is notte beinge protectede! Our right to religious practise is being abridgede! And whatte about these nice traditionaliste African polygamistes that are also assemblede to marry one another and another and another?”

“Sorry, mate, I just carry out the law. Take it up with Parliament. Er, sorry. Look, are you two related?”

“Yais. We-uh from the Serthern Unarted Stayts. I warnt tew marry my sister. Gaard sayis it is errkay.”

“No, you can’t. For one thing, incest is illegal in New Zealand under Section 130 (2) of the Crimes Act, which applies equally to adult incest. Police? Thank you. Well, those are the silly fundies disposed of. Ah. Picketers. Are you here to protest against the same-sex marriages?”

“Nein. We are here to protest against the threat to natural, cultural and historical marriage presented by marriages across cultural boundaries. Christians should not marry Jews. Everyone knows that’s unnatural and perverted.”

“Granddad! I’m sorry, he’s gaga and he thinks it’s still Germany in 1933.”

“Warrr are yew marryin’ those Maori and Pakeha couples? Dontcha know that marrying across the colour line is against historical, cultural and natural barriers?”

[We are pleased to relate that all the ridiculous slippery slopes were cleared up and local fundies have been charged with multiple violations of the Litter Act 1979. Unhappily, it isn't against the law to be slack-jawed and inbred- Craig]

Craig Y

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