Wednesday, 12 November 2008

No, I'm not pregnant. But thanks so much for asking...

For the last few days I've been feeling a bit sick. Nothing serious, I've just been fighting the constant to throw up which may or may not have had something to do with gorging myself on a three-course roast dinner on Sunday complete with lashings of booze. Probably not the wisest move, but hey we are all allowed the odd indulgence on occasion.

Instead of 'oh that sucks' the most common response from friends and family, your not pregnant are you? Well, I had my period last week which included some rather nasty cramps, my breasts blowing up like balloons, going through a pack of tampons in the space of a few days and a couple of zits ... oh was that an overshare? Did that make you a bit uncomfortable? Well you did ask an intensely personal medical question so I just gave you an answer.

Arrgh.

12 comments:

Julie said...

I've had that a lot too. I think once you reach a certain age at which people assume that you are thinking of breeding they start to get extra nosey. And if you are in a relationship then pregnancy is often the conclusion they leap gaily toward. Still I guess it is marginally better that they actually asked you than that they just assumed you were and told everyone behind your back? Hmmm, kind of like death by firing squad being slightly better than being burnt at the stake.

stargazer said...

be thankful you're not indian! about 5 months after marriage, you start getting the "so are you pregnant yet? when are we going to hear some good news?" questions. if you haven't conceived by 18 months, you get the "oh, how come you haven't had a baby yet, is there some kind of problem?" once you've produced the first one, it's not over. then you get the "when are you having another one?" if you don't conceive again within 2 years, you get "you really shouldn't leave such a big gap between your kids, it's not good". and if you happen to have produced two girls, then you get the endless "when are you going to try for a boy?". and the MYOFB response doesn't work in the slightest, i can assure you!

disclaimer: this is my personal experience; i accept all indians will not act in such fashion and ask these questions at all times. (but the likelihood is pretty high!!)

The ex-expat said...

Stargazer, I lived in Korea for four years where women are told that they are like Christmas cakes best before 25! There was a lot of concern when I turned 25 that I hadn't found a hubby and by 27 they had given up hope of me finding one!

muerk said...

Sigh, you won't win you know. Have four kids and then you get the comments the other way. It's just a part of being part of a community I think.

Lucy said...

I got asked that by a couple of people when my partner and I announced our engagement, apparently on the basis that at our age (early twenties) there couldn't be any other reason for such a decision. I was totally gobsmacked.

artandmylife said...

When people ask me this now I just say "not unless my name is Mary and its some sort of miracle" - It shuts people up.

I have 3 daughters I I got very fed up with epople saying "Are you going to try for a boy?" - Umm no...

Anita said...

I have the triple joys of a chronic illness which makes me infertile, medication for the illness which often gives me morning nausea, and the fact that the illness makes me carry extra weight over my tummy. (Great combo huh? :)

I struggle with how to answer "are you pregnant?", there's no way I can give detail without making the other person really worried that they've upset me and/or that I'm dying. "No, the medication I take for my brain tumour makes me nauseated" or "... makes my tummy fat" ups the emotional ante and discomfort more than I usually want to, and "no, it's just some medication making me queasy" is surprisingly often followed by "oh, what's wrong with you?."

Each time this happens I think about just how distressing it would be if I hadn't come to terms with my impaired fertility.

I really wonder why people ask that question when so often the answer is going to make everyone involved so uncomfortable.

ideologicallyimpure said...

I'm all for the personal overshare when people ask ridiculously personal questions, though I've only had to use it so far when the classic, "Wow, are you, like, PMSing?" crops up.

Apparently when people ask this they actually don't want to know how many tampons I've gone through today.

zANavAShi said...

LOL! Yeh ditto on the "personal overshare" - it's an especially effective conversation stopper in supermarket queues.

Julie, I used to think it was an age thing too, but now I'm 50-ish, infertile and haven't been within pole-vaulting distance of a sperm since Bill English was prime minister I like to employ a variation of AAML's biblical retort....

Lean confidentially towards the person who asked with furrowed brow and whisper, "Sweetie, if I'm pregnant you better rush outside and look for three wise men and a star".

anna c said...

/aside to anita/

You mean you actually had an excuse for feeling grotty at ungodly hours of the morning, and you were positively perky throughout all our complaints.

I feel slightly guilty now.

Lita said...

Ha! My Ma asks me that every time I look at her funny. Which is heaps!

There has been a bug with nausea symptons, seems to last up to 3-4 days.

Hope you are better now, and still unpregnant.

Anita said...

/aside to anna c/

Pharmaceutical nausea is nothing compared to the queasiness engendered by a rotting brush and old lumpy flour paste :)