Thursday, 4 November 2010


i thought we should probably say something here about the whole stephen fry situation. i first caught up with it a couple of nights ago at the f word, and then caught up with QoT's posts on the subject, here & here. but it wasn't til i popped over to hoydens today that i found out boganette has been caught up in the thick of it.

i can't say that i've been a fan of mr fry, but he was someone i had admired until now. in fact, in the recent survey i did for prime tv, they asked the bizarre question of which male most represented the prime tv brand & gave us a list of famous people from programmes on the show. out of the choices, stephen fry was the only one i picked, on the basis that he was witty and sensible, and something a little out of the ordinary.

needless to say that i'm no longer impressed with him at all. the posts i've linked to give a full run down of what he said (mostly about all women hating sex all the time), and the reasons why it was so wrong. i have nothing to add to that really.

but i do want to say that i think it's absolutely appalling that he would do this to boganette:

Now after reading this I sent Mr Fry a tweet asking him if he'd been misquoted. Surely he had been - surely someone as intelligent as he is wouldn't say something so incredibly stupid.

He tweeted to his nearly two million followers the link I'd sent and my name. He said nothing more.

My Twitter almost crashed with the @ comments I got following this.

i'm pretty sure mr fry is not so spectacularly stupid that he didn't understand the consequences of his doing this, nor that he would be unaware of the abuse that would be heaped on her as a result of his actions. i can't think of it as anything other than a purely malicious thing to do. not only is he not prepared to own his mistakes, he's quite prepared to punish those who question him. i can't respect a person who behaves like that.

i'm glad boganette has been getting some well-deserved support over at her place. no-one should be subjected to that kind of harassment.


Hugh said...

I've got to say I never really saw anything from Stephen Fry before this to make me think he was incapable of this kind of behaviour. It saddens me that even Boganette is still giving him the benefit of the doubt.

I don't care how charming his accent is or how cute he is in a tweed suit, this kind of shit is some never-forgive action.

And I'm not even getting offended on women's behalf here (although I'd regard myself as justified), the "straight men disgust women" part is bad enough in and of itself.

Deborah said...

Stephen Fry explaining himself, at length: Silliness

stargazer said...

just read through that deborah, & i remain largely unimpressed. it mostly consists of "it was just a joke" & "i didn't think it would get widely published". while he understands the statements to be wrong in & of themselves, he doesn't acknowledge the context into which he is throwing out this joke which determines the kind of impact it will have. and the idea that it's ok to make these statements to what he thought would be a gay audience, i can't see how that's in any way relevant.

sue said...

what i find confusing it his saying he knows nothing about anything, but happy to send a link out there to the internet, knowing very well (the man is beyond mensa) the effect it would have on boganette

Deborah said...

I was completely unimpressed.

And here's a video clip of him saying much the same thing. I'm guessing its something he's absorbed, deeply, and really, really believes, given how often he comes out with these ideas.

Deborah said...

Commenting again to get the link right...

Stephen Fry on women not liking sex

Boganette said...

Thanks for the support. I have had a heap of support which is really nice. And now we're having a big Wellington catch-up so I suppose I'm looking on the bright side.

I gave him the benefit of the doubt because I'm a fan and it didn't sound like something I thought he'd say.

That said - I think he's playing the victim a bit now by not even considering the fact that he isn't the only one who has been burnt by this. And passing the buck onto everyone else.

AND he's said this shit before. So yeah - I'm not a Fry-hard anymore. But I do appreciate the support from here and from other bloggers. Lookin' on the bright side now and trying to leave all that shit alone for a bit until things settle down.

Miles said...

A number of my women acquaintance have sex to get a man and to keep a man. Its the price they pay to get the money, the relationship, the house etc. Not that I'm complaining as I get to take them shopping!

However on a more serious note, I have noticed resentment/disgust from some straight women, that I can have no strings attached, mind blowing sex with another man, and then not worry weather or not he is going to call me again.

Stephen Fry is expressing a valid opinion about women that quite a few gay men have expressed(and straight men as well). How about discussing what he is saying rather than attacking him? Although that would require you matching his intellect, which would be a big ask.

Hugh, I would guess you are inexperienced with the ways of women, or you are a door mat. About time you manned up.

tigtog said...

Stephen Fry is expressing a valid opinion about women that quite a few gay men have expressed(and straight men as well).

It's certainly an opinion, what exactly makes it 'valid'? Do you know every woman on the planet? Does Stephen Fry? That some women might perhaps match this description definitely does not mean that all, or most, or even many women do so.

It's a cheap, nasty and lazy generalisation, lacking not just empathy but any sense of intellectual nuance. We know he's capable of empathy and nuance when he discusses other matters, thus the disappointment. If this was just a one-off brainfart there'd be less anger and grief, but given the video from a few years ago, and virtually verbatim dialogue placed in a character's mouth from a novel more than a decade ago, what do we see? Just another bloke who'll be nice to women when they're around and then talk shit about them when he thinks they're not listening.

I don't make myself a doormat for blokes who mutter rubbish like that in real life, why should I make an exception for someone who's shouting it through a media megaphone?

Hugh said...

How about discussing what he is saying rather than attacking him?

You're right Miles, we should all discuss Stephen Fry's opinion.

I think his opinion is ridiculous, offensive, and one only a dyed-in-the-wool misogynist would hold.

Your turn!

Helen said...

[Deborah said...

Stephen Fry explaining himself, at length: Silliness]

I read that. He went on... and on... and on... and.. then I noticed there were FOUR MORE PAGES.

I've never noticed Mr Fry much before this, but if he's always that prolix, I wouldn't have the time. Also, I notice he's done the "flounce and make people tell me how much I love them before returning" jape before. Deeply insecure person.

Boganette said...

"How about discussing what he is saying rather than attacking him?"

- Hahahahaha.

Yeah all I can do is laugh. People are idiots. There's like a zillion blogs discussing what he said and explaining why it's problematic. And yet morons don't visit those blogs and discuss it. They just crap on about how Stephen Fry is being "attacked" when he's not being attacked AT ALL.

If anyone else had said what he said they would have been crucified. He has been treated so well through this whole thing. He's been given the benefit of the doubt by almost everyone. Every blog I've read has pretty much said that they hope he was misquoted or taken out of context.

Reading comprehension fail Miles. I think the disgust you get from straight women has nothing to do with the apparently "mind-blowing" sex you have and everything to do with your personality.

Anonymous said...

Another man telling women about their sexuality. Pah - old news.

I LOVE sex. Hear that, Stephen Fry.


Craig Ranapia said...

Stephen Fry is expressing a valid opinion about women that quite a few gay men have expressed(and straight men as well).

I'm quite happy to grant that quite a few gay men are misogynistic idiots who've reversed the usual state of things and have crap coming out of their mouths instead of their rectums. Not sure I'm quite seeing your point -- a billion people saying black is white and up is down doesn't make it true.

Marnie said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Deborah said...

That completely contrary to our experience of Boganette, marnie. Are you sure you've got the right person?

If you are going to make allegations like that, then at least have the decency to back them up with evidence, instead of saying rather pathetically that the particular forum doesn't exist any more. Unless you can do that, then these are completely unfounded allegations.

And lets just remember that in all of this, Stephen Fry is the person with great social power who used it to dump on one person, and then flounced off in a hissy fit.

Marnie said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
stargazer said...

sorry marnie, but as deborah says, we can't tell whether or not your comments are the "truth" or not, until you provide proof. we have about 18 months of blogging evidence online from boganette versus your word, and we have no information about you at all. i'm not prepared to host unsubstantiated allegations here. when you have concrete proof, come back here. otherwise please refrain from making any similar comments. any issues you have with boganette need to be addressed directly with her. if she chooses not to engage with you, that is entirely up to her.

Boganette said...

Stargazer, Deborah - I'm sorry you had to deal with this person (who posts anonymously on my blog as well). Thanks for removing the comments.

Deborah said...

Happy to help, Boganette. I really, really, dislike completely unsubstantiated allegations delivered from a pseudonym.