Tuesday, 9 July 2013

Pākehā Party predictions - you heard them here first

Don Brash will get in touch with the Facebook page, suggesting he and a few mates come hang out over a liquid lunch.  Shortly afterwards the Pākehā Party will name Mr Brash as their leader, and they will have a new logo.  It will look a bit like a Union Jack.

Winston Peters will strongly support the Pākehā Party, and offer to go into partnership with them.  Neither party will refer to this as a Treaty.

John Key will be comfortable with the Pākehā Party, and will defend them publically: "Look, the
Pākehā Party is a bit like pornography, some of us love it, some of us don't.  I look forward to having another group at the post-election table to talk with.  We think we can work together.  Especially if they bring their pornography."

Helen Clark will call the Pākehā Party "haters and wreckers".

Susan Devoy will have to leave her position at the Human Rights Commission, after Māori TV, using a fair-skinned reporter with an English alias, break the story she has been involved with setting up the Pākehā Party constitution.

The same Māori TV exclusive will point to a web of Pākehā New Zealanders who have joined the Pākehā Party through their Facebook Closed Group.  This was set up by Don Brash when some of his mates, who have Asian wives, were squeamish about joining publically.  It will include many MPs who currently belong to other parties in parliament.

Bro'town will run a special Christmas edition at the end of this year, just to mock the Pākehā Party.  It will be too easy to write the script, and the Naked Samoans will decide they need greater challenges so will move to Australia, where the racism is sometimes more subtle.

David Shearer will not be sure where he stands on the Pākehā Party.  Parekura Horomia will be missed greatly, again, as Shane Jones will get distracted by the pornographic possibilities and will not say very much at all.

The Greens, Mana and the Māori Party will have no trouble articulating how ridiculous it is, on colonised land, to have a white supremacist party getting significant mainstream media attention and airtime.  This will make no difference to mainstream media coverage of the Pākehā Party, which will remain largely ahistorical and occasionally doting.

Chris Trotter will write a piece in which he blames the Pākehā Party formation on feminists and gays playing identity politics.  If only Labour would get back to focussing on working class men, he opines, the Pākehā Party vote could be all theirs.

Hone Harawira will suggest the Pākehā Party adopt this as their slogan for the next election:
"What do we want?  Everything.  When do we want it?  We've already got it, and we don't want to give any of it back."  This will prompt a number of complaints of racism to the Human Rights Commission.

The next Human Rights Commissioner, after Susan Devoy's resignation, will be Paul Henry.  His role in the Pākehā Party, because declared openly, will not be considered a problem in appointing him. 

And finally, more people who live in New Zealand will start spelling Pākehā correctly.  Thank you, Pākehā Party.


Anonymous said...

It will be representative of the mix in NZ so how could you possibly complain?

Until the missionaries created written Maori in the early 1800's there was no written Maori anything.


Brett Dale said...

When I first heard about the Pakeha party, I was 100% sure it was satire, but it anit, I guess every country has its extreme extreme groups.

As Lisa Simpson once said "If you want them to go away, just dont look"

Hugh said...

Here's my prediction - in a year, nobody will give a damn about the Pakeha Party, one way or another.

Moz said...

The article gave me a good laugh, thank you.

more people who live in New Zealand will start spelling Pākehā correctly

Yeah, right. That's how the moory spell it, the white way is "New Zealander". Damn Winston getting in first with the name. That's what's wrong with this country when the decent people can't even get the party name they deserve.

Oh dear, this stuff really does write itself, doesn't it.

Anon: Η μητέρα σου ήταν ένα γαϊδούρι! Or are you claiming that written English sprang full-grown from the arse of some pom?

Frank said...

" Anonymous said...

It will be representative of the mix in NZ so how could you possibly complain?"

With the proviso being that you're white. (Bring your own KKK robe.)

LudditeJourno said...

Moz, yep it did write itself, and I've been plagued with other things I wished I included all day :-)
Frank - indeed.

Anonymous said...

The funny thing is that when the police in Wellington sent officers to Wanganui to deal with the Motua gardens sit in my policeman friend said there were lots of Maori officers wanting to go because they thought the occupation was nonsense and it was an embarrassment to them and their culture. Its not really about colour at all despite how much you may push that.

I could choose to take offence at the childish KKK comment but won't. If you are true to your views about equality and representation even those you find offensive have a place. I'd make them stand and get voted for so they could be seen to fail while your selection policy would be required to give them a place without that scrutiny.