here's another story of a young person who is now dead, believed to have committed suicide, as a result of internet bullying. if you haven't heard the full story of amanda todd, it's best you hear it directly from her:
it's an incredibly sad story, and there are several things that bother me about it.
the initial problem started when someone convinced her to go topless during a chat using a webcam. a year later, the same man threatened to send a topless photo of her to everyone she knew, unless she agreed to further demands. he had accessed her personal information and also knew how to contact the important people in her life. he did end up sending the photos around, and continued to stalk her even after she moved cities and schools.
what i don't understand is why the police didn't look for this man. from the video, it appears the police were the ones to notify her that the photograph had been circulated. it was taken when she was in 7th grade, and i don't know how old she would have been, but it clearly appears she would be underage. that in itself is a crime. then using the photo to coerce her into doing other sexual acts would be another crime. i would think circulation of the photo without her consent would be a crime as well.
that initial circulation, according to her own words in the video, affected her badly, leading to anxiety. how is it that the authorities were unable to find out who this guy was and have him brought to justice? it doesn't make sense to me. even if they didn't do it at the point the photo was first circulated, surely it would have been done at this point:
She changed schools and found a new group of friends in an effort to
leave behind the bullies. Then the man created a Facebook profile, using
her uncensored photo as his profile picture. "Cried every night, lost
all my friends and respect people had for me... again... then nobody
liked me," she wrote in the video.
on top of that, her reaction to the circulation of the photograph is likely to have been the result of feeling shamed. that shame comes from the people around - she talks about people losing respect for her. it's appalling that shaming a young person in this way would take precedence over shaming the person who did it to her. if she had supportive people around her, particularly from her peers, the feelings of shame would have been a lot less. clearly, all the young people around her were judging her for what she did.
and where would they have learned to do that? from the adults in their lives, who either had the same reaction or who didn't bother to correct the reaction of their young ones. it's possible some might not have known this shaming was going on, which suggests to me that they weren't involved enough in the lives of their young ones to know about they way their kids were mistreating others.
then there was the further incident of a group of young girls from her old school beating up this young woman, for the crime of having sex with the boyfriend of one of them. while she chose not to press charges, i believe those kids could have been tried for the crime, with use of witness statements from the teachers who came over to see what happened, from the 50 or so witnesses from the new school, and from some of the members of the group from the old school. ms todd need not have had to testify at all. the fact that nothing was done, the total lack of consequences for the physical violence, empowers the bullies and add to the culture which allows bullying to keep happening.
while i'm talking about young women being bullied, let me also mention malala yousafzai, the young pakistani woman fighting for her life after being shot by a member of the taliban. what has been done to her is appalling, and it is heartening to see the outpouring of support from around the world. i really do wish her all the best, and hope she survives and continues to be an inspiration to young women in pakistan and around the world.
one of her "crimes" was to be seen to align herself with the very western powers who are responsible for invasion and occupation of afghanistan, and for the drone attacks in northern pakistan. that would have been motivation enough for those who killed her. but that they think there is any kind of religious justification for the attempted murder of a young woman, effectively still a child. even if they believed she had committed a crime, there is no room for vigilante justice without any kind of trial.
i can only hope that the outpouring of support and prayers around the world will lead to some kind of cultural change in the places where it's most needed.
Showing posts with label bullying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bullying. Show all posts
Sunday, 14 October 2012
Friday, 18 May 2012
The silent B in Pink Shirt Day
In 2006, the bisexual poet and musician Hinemoana Baker
and I were profiled by Maori Television in Takataapui, discussing
discrimination and prejudice against bisexual people within the queer
community. Amongst other things, we were asked to respond to these:
Sadly this Takataapui episode isn't available online. Which does save Hinemoana and I from the real possibility of being bullied on the grounds of a series of poor hair choices over the years. TVNZ's slightly earlier "State of the Queer Nation" - which is online - wasn't actually about the queer nation. No (out) bisexual, transpeople or intersex people; no bi, trans or intersex issues - or even people - mentioned.
Bi people have been organising against biphobia around the world since at least the 1980s. We need Pink Shirt Day not just because we have same-sex attractions - we need to stop bi-specific bullying and invisibilisation related to negative stereotypes because it has negative impacts on bisexual people.
Bisexuality is explicitly named as a grounds for discrimination in the Human Rights Act, after a long and sometimes bitter fight by bi people leading up to 1993. Despite continued attempts to exclude us from the Act's protections the Wellington Bisexual Women's Group rocked up at a celebratory event in 1993, flushed with bi pride at our inclusion. When the approved lesbian speaker outlined the Act's protections but repeatedly left us out - not for the first time - our slightly tired response was to heckle, shouting "and bisexual" as needed.
We got up to speak collectively, ending with a waiata. Fortunately for negative stereotypes of bisexual people, I was able to clasp Hinemoana's hand tightly, so I could mouth our waiata and allow the audience to enjoy her gorgeous voice without noticing mine.
Aroha mai Hinemoana - this apology for appropriating your musical genius is long overdue.
This Pink Shirt Day I'm going to share some link love for bi people, and those interested in challenging biphobia and biphobic bullying. I'm not including generic queer groups as too often those groups have a silent B (and T, let alone I) when it comes to LGBTI issues and communities. Feel free to add more links in comments.
The Wellington Bisexual Women's Group continues, eating and talking our way to bitopia. Members have also lobbied for queer rights legislation, contributed to queer rights legislation and created resources to challenge discrimination. Most recently this included suggesting significant changes - all of which were accepted - to the Human Rights Commission chapter on the rights of sexual and gender minorities.
Secret Love is a short NZ film featuring Hinemoana's music and story which opened the queer film fest a few years back. And if you're wanting bi anthems, her song "I'm Free" was written in response to someone in her family telling her being bisexual was just a phase. Other bi anthems here.
The best resources I know of online are the US based Bisexual Resource Centre and the wonderful Boston Bisexual Women's Network. They produce regular newsletters and the only resource I've ever seen which explicitly names bi-specific experiences of domestic violence.
I'll leave those interested with eight BBWN tips on how to be an ally to bisexual people. Pink Shirt Day is a great day to start:
Sadly this Takataapui episode isn't available online. Which does save Hinemoana and I from the real possibility of being bullied on the grounds of a series of poor hair choices over the years. TVNZ's slightly earlier "State of the Queer Nation" - which is online - wasn't actually about the queer nation. No (out) bisexual, transpeople or intersex people; no bi, trans or intersex issues - or even people - mentioned.
Bi people have been organising against biphobia around the world since at least the 1980s. We need Pink Shirt Day not just because we have same-sex attractions - we need to stop bi-specific bullying and invisibilisation related to negative stereotypes because it has negative impacts on bisexual people.
Bisexuality is explicitly named as a grounds for discrimination in the Human Rights Act, after a long and sometimes bitter fight by bi people leading up to 1993. Despite continued attempts to exclude us from the Act's protections the Wellington Bisexual Women's Group rocked up at a celebratory event in 1993, flushed with bi pride at our inclusion. When the approved lesbian speaker outlined the Act's protections but repeatedly left us out - not for the first time - our slightly tired response was to heckle, shouting "and bisexual" as needed.
We got up to speak collectively, ending with a waiata. Fortunately for negative stereotypes of bisexual people, I was able to clasp Hinemoana's hand tightly, so I could mouth our waiata and allow the audience to enjoy her gorgeous voice without noticing mine.
Aroha mai Hinemoana - this apology for appropriating your musical genius is long overdue.
This Pink Shirt Day I'm going to share some link love for bi people, and those interested in challenging biphobia and biphobic bullying. I'm not including generic queer groups as too often those groups have a silent B (and T, let alone I) when it comes to LGBTI issues and communities. Feel free to add more links in comments.
The Wellington Bisexual Women's Group continues, eating and talking our way to bitopia. Members have also lobbied for queer rights legislation, contributed to queer rights legislation and created resources to challenge discrimination. Most recently this included suggesting significant changes - all of which were accepted - to the Human Rights Commission chapter on the rights of sexual and gender minorities.
Secret Love is a short NZ film featuring Hinemoana's music and story which opened the queer film fest a few years back. And if you're wanting bi anthems, her song "I'm Free" was written in response to someone in her family telling her being bisexual was just a phase. Other bi anthems here.
The best resources I know of online are the US based Bisexual Resource Centre and the wonderful Boston Bisexual Women's Network. They produce regular newsletters and the only resource I've ever seen which explicitly names bi-specific experiences of domestic violence.
I'll leave those interested with eight BBWN tips on how to be an ally to bisexual people. Pink Shirt Day is a great day to start:
- Believe that I exist. Despite ongoing scientific research that seems so determined to disprove the existence of bisexuality, plus the general lack of interest by the greater gay and lesbian community to acknowledge us, we really do exist.
- When I tell you I’m bisexual, please don’t try to talk me into redefining my identity into something more comfortable for you. Please don’t tell me that if I haven’t been sexual with more than one sex in the last three, five, or ten years that I am no longer bisexual.
- Celebrate bisexual culture along with me. We have a vibrant and rich cultural history within the bi community — from Sappho to Walt Whitman to Virginia Woolf to James Baldwin to June Jordan, we have many daring voices that have expressed love beyond the monosexual confines.
- Please don’t try to convince me that people who lived bisexual lives in the past would have been gay if they had lived today. You don’t know that, I don’t know that, and your insistence that it is true says that you believe that people were bisexual only out of necessity, not by desire.
- Validate my frustration with the gay and lesbian community when they ignore or exclude bisexuals. Please don’t try and defend an action such as a keynote speaker who is addressing a LGBT audience but consistently says “gay and lesbian” when referring to all of us.
- Ask me, if appropriate, about my other-sex relationships and my same-sex relationships. Bisexuals live our lives in multiple ways. Some of us are monogamous and we would like to discuss that relationship openly with the people in our lives, no matter whom it is with. Some of us have more than one relationship going on and we’d like to be able to share that with others without feeling judgment.
- If there is some sort of bisexual scandal in the news, don’t use it as an opportunity to make derisive remarks about bisexuals generally. As we know all communities have examples of “bad behavior,” and painting everyone with the same brush doesn’t create much understanding between us.
- When I’m not around, or any other bisexual, speak up when bisexual people are being defamed or excluded. It’s great when we can witness your support, but I’d love to know you are helping us even when we are not looking.
Saturday, 21 April 2012
Time to Queer the Night again!
Last year I was involved in organising Queer the Night, a march in response to transphobic and homophobic violence on our streets. It was an amazing night, with lots of energy and a great sense of community, from which evolved The Queer Avengers.
It would be nice to never need to do it again, but we do. This year we're marching in Wellington on May 11th, and focussing on transphobic and homophobic bullying in schools. Full details here.
I'll be marching, in solidarity with QUILTBAG youth, and in memory of those who have lost their lives this year and in the years before. And there are two particular things I'll be marching for:
The first is the need to specifically address bullying aimed at children and young people because of their actual or percieved sexual orientation or gender identity. Whilst in previous years Pink Shirt Day has specifically related to homophobic bullying, in New Zealand at least is has now evolved into a more general anti-bullying campaign.
Stopping bullying is of course a cause to get behind, but at the same time transphobic and homophobic bullying does need a specific response. Overseas research puts suicidal thoughts and attempts for LGB High School Students at between 3.5 and 7.1 times higher than heterosexual students and found that 30 percent of LGB youth versus 13 percent of heterosexual youth (mean age of about 18) had attempted suicide at some point. New Zealand statistics appear to follow a similar pattern. Accurate statistics for gender varient youth are harder to come by, but there is every indication that they are significantly higher.
These aren't just numbers. These are kids we know.
QUILTBAG youth are unusual as a minority group, in that usually no other member of their immediate family is a member of that same minority group. Whilst some parents and family members are supportive, even they are often not helped to support their children. Others can be dismissive or outright hostile, meaning that neither home nor school is a safe place. With queer content frequently ignored in lessons, children feel that there is simply no place for them in the world.
Because it is often technically possible for these young people to remain secret about their identity, many are pressured to do so, irrespective of the - sometimes devastating - impact on them, and blamed for being out when they are targeted. Innappropriate toilet facilities and uniform codes make many schools completely inaccessible for gender variant youth.
All bullying needs tackling, but there are specific issues that affect QUILTBAG young people. We can't just shove them under the carpet.
The second is summed up in our slogan 'It Doesn't Get Better Until We Make it Better'. The It Gets Project was an international series of videos in reponse to what was painted in the media as a cluster of suicides amongst queer teens (but was actually the statistical norm) and featured mostly queer adults talking about how much better their lives had become, and encouraging teens to hang on, because it would get better for them too.
The videos were beautiful and heartbreaking. But now it's time for something more.
I'd like every young person considering suicide to reconsider. I believe - hell, I know from personal experience - that things can get much better. But I'd like it even more if we combatted the structural prejudice that allowed them to get to that point. Bullying shouldn't be a part of life, nor should prejudice, nor should suicidality.
The pressure shouldn't be on one individual to put up with what feels unbearable. It should be for all of us to fight alongside them.
Nor should we ignore the fact that for some people it never will get better. That it's already too late. Or others, for whom things have got better, but they still suffer the lasting effects, both emotional/psychological and educational.
'It doesn't get better until we make it better' is more than a message of hope. It's a call to arms.
The devastation transphobic and homophobic bullying brings is too critical to ignore; the lives that can be changed by combatting it are too precious not to fight for. Bring your pink shirts and your glo-sticks and come Queer the Night.
It would be nice to never need to do it again, but we do. This year we're marching in Wellington on May 11th, and focussing on transphobic and homophobic bullying in schools. Full details here.
I'll be marching, in solidarity with QUILTBAG youth, and in memory of those who have lost their lives this year and in the years before. And there are two particular things I'll be marching for:
The first is the need to specifically address bullying aimed at children and young people because of their actual or percieved sexual orientation or gender identity. Whilst in previous years Pink Shirt Day has specifically related to homophobic bullying, in New Zealand at least is has now evolved into a more general anti-bullying campaign.
Stopping bullying is of course a cause to get behind, but at the same time transphobic and homophobic bullying does need a specific response. Overseas research puts suicidal thoughts and attempts for LGB High School Students at between 3.5 and 7.1 times higher than heterosexual students and found that 30 percent of LGB youth versus 13 percent of heterosexual youth (mean age of about 18) had attempted suicide at some point. New Zealand statistics appear to follow a similar pattern. Accurate statistics for gender varient youth are harder to come by, but there is every indication that they are significantly higher.
These aren't just numbers. These are kids we know.
QUILTBAG youth are unusual as a minority group, in that usually no other member of their immediate family is a member of that same minority group. Whilst some parents and family members are supportive, even they are often not helped to support their children. Others can be dismissive or outright hostile, meaning that neither home nor school is a safe place. With queer content frequently ignored in lessons, children feel that there is simply no place for them in the world.
Because it is often technically possible for these young people to remain secret about their identity, many are pressured to do so, irrespective of the - sometimes devastating - impact on them, and blamed for being out when they are targeted. Innappropriate toilet facilities and uniform codes make many schools completely inaccessible for gender variant youth.
All bullying needs tackling, but there are specific issues that affect QUILTBAG young people. We can't just shove them under the carpet.
The second is summed up in our slogan 'It Doesn't Get Better Until We Make it Better'. The It Gets Project was an international series of videos in reponse to what was painted in the media as a cluster of suicides amongst queer teens (but was actually the statistical norm) and featured mostly queer adults talking about how much better their lives had become, and encouraging teens to hang on, because it would get better for them too.
The videos were beautiful and heartbreaking. But now it's time for something more.
I'd like every young person considering suicide to reconsider. I believe - hell, I know from personal experience - that things can get much better. But I'd like it even more if we combatted the structural prejudice that allowed them to get to that point. Bullying shouldn't be a part of life, nor should prejudice, nor should suicidality.
The pressure shouldn't be on one individual to put up with what feels unbearable. It should be for all of us to fight alongside them.
Nor should we ignore the fact that for some people it never will get better. That it's already too late. Or others, for whom things have got better, but they still suffer the lasting effects, both emotional/psychological and educational.
'It doesn't get better until we make it better' is more than a message of hope. It's a call to arms.
Thursday, 15 December 2011
this won't fix it
i'm sure plenty of people will have watched the campbell live story on the boy with buck teeth*. i didn't watch myself, but saw the ads both yesterday and today.
i know they're patting themselves on the back for a successful story and a very positive outcome for this child - the positive outcome being something along the lines of some kind of dental treatment to fix the problem. and sure, that's great for the child and it gives us all such a nice, warm, fuzzy feeling when we think about how generous we are as a nation in coming to the rescue of the this child.
the reason given for the surgery - at least the only reason i saw on the promos - was that the boy was being bullied and teased at school, and this surgery would stop that. i'd be interested to hear from anyone who's watched the show (i don't really feel that i can bear to watch at this point) whether they actually addressed the aspect of bullying and teasing? in other words, did the show make the point that bullying and teasing someone for their physical appearance is wrong, and needs to be addressed by the school and by the adults responsible for the children who interact with this boy?
because i'm feeling really uncomfortable with the notion that the answer to bullying and teasing is spending money to change your appearance. [as an aside, i make no judgement of people who choose to so spend their money, particularly in a culture such as the one we currently live in]. because that isn't the answer. the answer is to edcuate people in our society to be more accepting of physical difference - or emotional difference, or racial difference, or religious difference.
campbell live can't spend every episode highlighting a person suffering from bullying and asking for money so that they can change their appearance. there are so many, many kids and adults out there without the funds or the ability to change the way they are. if anything needs to change, it's the culture they live in, that we live in, where casual cruelty is seen by some people to be acceptable.
so while this sounds, on the face of it, to be a fairy tale - like the waving of a magic wand, this young boy's troubles will suddenly disappear - it doesn't deal with the actual problem. the actual problem is not the boy and his teeth. and there is absolutely no guarantee, once his teeth are "fixed"** that the bullying won't continue. once you're a marked person in the eyes of bullies, you often stay that way regardless of the changes you make. because the problem is not with you, it's with the bullies.
in any case, i wish this child well and hope his life gets better. i hope it wasn't too embarassing to have his "problem" publicised on national television, but i suspect he doesn't mind given that he can now have it fixed. and i really wish that this feeling of goodwill expressed by the nation would extend to all of those who live in poverty or with any other difficulty in their lives.
______________________________________________________
* is there a better way to say this? i really hate that phrase but it was the one the programme used and i can't think of an alternative at this time of night.
** i use the quote marks because i personally don't believe there is anything really wrong with them, unless they are causing some kind of health problem.
i know they're patting themselves on the back for a successful story and a very positive outcome for this child - the positive outcome being something along the lines of some kind of dental treatment to fix the problem. and sure, that's great for the child and it gives us all such a nice, warm, fuzzy feeling when we think about how generous we are as a nation in coming to the rescue of the this child.
the reason given for the surgery - at least the only reason i saw on the promos - was that the boy was being bullied and teased at school, and this surgery would stop that. i'd be interested to hear from anyone who's watched the show (i don't really feel that i can bear to watch at this point) whether they actually addressed the aspect of bullying and teasing? in other words, did the show make the point that bullying and teasing someone for their physical appearance is wrong, and needs to be addressed by the school and by the adults responsible for the children who interact with this boy?
because i'm feeling really uncomfortable with the notion that the answer to bullying and teasing is spending money to change your appearance. [as an aside, i make no judgement of people who choose to so spend their money, particularly in a culture such as the one we currently live in]. because that isn't the answer. the answer is to edcuate people in our society to be more accepting of physical difference - or emotional difference, or racial difference, or religious difference.
campbell live can't spend every episode highlighting a person suffering from bullying and asking for money so that they can change their appearance. there are so many, many kids and adults out there without the funds or the ability to change the way they are. if anything needs to change, it's the culture they live in, that we live in, where casual cruelty is seen by some people to be acceptable.
so while this sounds, on the face of it, to be a fairy tale - like the waving of a magic wand, this young boy's troubles will suddenly disappear - it doesn't deal with the actual problem. the actual problem is not the boy and his teeth. and there is absolutely no guarantee, once his teeth are "fixed"** that the bullying won't continue. once you're a marked person in the eyes of bullies, you often stay that way regardless of the changes you make. because the problem is not with you, it's with the bullies.
in any case, i wish this child well and hope his life gets better. i hope it wasn't too embarassing to have his "problem" publicised on national television, but i suspect he doesn't mind given that he can now have it fixed. and i really wish that this feeling of goodwill expressed by the nation would extend to all of those who live in poverty or with any other difficulty in their lives.
______________________________________________________
* is there a better way to say this? i really hate that phrase but it was the one the programme used and i can't think of an alternative at this time of night.
** i use the quote marks because i personally don't believe there is anything really wrong with them, unless they are causing some kind of health problem.
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