Getting political about sex

Thanks to Emma at The Lady Garden for alerting me to a true piece of bile from Britain's own kinda what-Michael-Laws-would-write-like-if-he-was-a-lesbian-feminist, Julie Bindel.

Go and read it for yourself.  I'll content myself with deconstructing this quote, which is the crux of the matter I think:

For bisexual women living under the tyranny of sexism, choosing to be lesbian is a liberatory act. Those of us who grew up in a time and context where there was a political analysis of sexuality were able to make a positive choice to be a lesbian. I believed then, and I believe now, that if bisexual women had an ounce of sexual politics, they would stop sleeping with men.

Now, I have no problem with people choosing to sleep with whoever they damn well please, provided it's consensual.  Are there women who feel that deciding all their sexual partners will be women is desirable because we live in a heterosexist and sexist world?  I'm pretty sure there are, and that decision is their own to make.

But telling other women who they can and can't sleep with in order to have "an ounce of sexual politics"?  Oh, sorry Julie, f**k off.

In one fell swoop, you write off all women who have sexual relationships with men as not being "real feminists."  That's right, all heterosexual women, bisexual women who have sexual relationships with men, presumably any women who have relationships with transmen?  The only place where sexual politics is adjudicated is your bed (or anywhere else you like to play with lovers).  Not in your activism, or the way you mother, or how you participate in paid or voluntary work, or how you support and interact with other women.  Nope, just in bed. 

Sexual politics is about how we live in the world, the ways we challenge gender inequality, the ways we try to confront oppression, power and privilege based on gender (and for those of us who know oppression is multi-faceted, other kinds of power and privilege too).  Who we sleep with is part of it for many feminists for sure - I've never slept with an anti-feminist person, and I can't imagine I ever will.   But if I desire and sleep with a man, does that cancel out my more than two decades work in Refuges and sexual violence agencies?  Does it cancel out the feminist marches I've organised, the women's festivals I've helped run, the hundreds of protests I've attended?  The very idea is insulting and ridiculous.

The roots of biphobia within lesbian culture are deep.  Some of my best friends are lesbians - and a couple of my favourite ex-lovers - and I know many, many lesbians who try very hard to challenge biphobia whenever they see it.  I also know many, many bisexual women who hide their sexuality, and who carry an enormous amount of pain because of how they have been treated in lesbian-dominated environments.

The bright spark in this article are the comments.  It's wonderful to see such biphobic nonsense being consigned to the dustbin of the 1980s - where it belongs.  Julie, there's another kind of "political analysis of sexuality" - the idea that respect, mutuality and consent are critical to sex being pleasurable and ethical - whoever we choose to make love with.  I'll take that over being told I'm not a real feminist because I've slept with men and might again.

UPDATE: Anthea has just very gently pointed out to me that my phrasing concerning transmen above is not very clear.  Apologies if anyone has read that as my doing an Anne Tolley and not accepting transmen are men.  I should have stated that due to Julie Bindel's repeated and vicious transphobic hate - which has included some of the most revolting statements I've seen published, I'm not clear about how she would view women in relationships with transmen.  Thanks Anthea.

It's time

Well actually, it's past time.  But now is still good.

If you want to vote on this poll, (screenshot above taken at 11am) it's at this Stuff article.

Rest in peace, Adrienne Rich

Adrienne Rich is dead. The beautiful, extraordinary brain who once refused a poetry prize from Bill Clinton, saying art was:

"incompatible with the cynical politics of this Administration.” She told a reporter, “I am not against government in general, but I am against a government where so much power is concentrated in so few hands.”

Adrienne Rich wrote the definitive tract exploring women's sexuality, when she fisked the idea that heterosexuality is natural rather than socially constructed and socially supported. For women this argument, in 1980, was revolutionary. She explained being lesbian to other feminists.

The white, Jewish, lesbian poet who fought for women's rights for decades, through prose and poetry. Who explained why white Jewishness was so strongly linked to anti-racism in the USA. Who integrated her identities by acknowledging them:

I have been reflecting on what feels so familiar about all this: to identify actively as a woman and ask what that means; to identify actively as a Jew and ask what that means. It is feminist politics - the efforts of women trying to work together as women across sexual, class, racial, ethnic and other lines - that have pushed me to look at the starved Jew in myself. If Not with Others, How? (1985)

Adrienne Rich wrote about the world and inequality with passion, kindness and anger. She made me consider what I thought about all the grand narratives, in particular white privilege:

This body. White, female; or female, white. The first obvious, lifelong facts. But I was born in the white section of a hospital which separated Black and white women in labor and Black and white babies in the nursery, just as it separated Black and white bodies in its morgue. I was defined as white before I was defined as female. Notes Towards A Politics of Location, (1984)

And she wrote about loving women, just when I was starting to. So deliciously, with such enthusiasm, that there was no doubt this was specifically erotic, this was loving women:

Whatever happens with us, your body
will haunt mine -- tender, delicate
your lovemaking, like the half-curled frond
of the fiddlehead fern in forests
just washed by sun. Your traveled, generous thighs
between which my whole face has come and come --
the innocence and wisdom of the place my tongue has found there --
the live, insatiate dance of your nipples in my mouth --
your touch on me, firm, protective, searching
me out, your strong tongue and slender fingers
reaching where I have been waiting years for you
in my rose-wet cave -- whatever happens, this is.
The Floating Poem, Unnumbered,
The Dream of a Common Language, Poems 1974 - 1977

I feel as shocked by her death as I would a friend. She has been part of my life, a treasured part of my life, for more than twenty years. I wish those who loved her in person have the chance to mourn her with the grace and honour she deserves. For me, I'm taking two of her books away with me to read while I cycle in our beautiful southern maunga.

REST IN PEACE Adrienne Rich, you are one of my sheros.

Questioning? New group through Akl Women's Centre

Thanks to Leonie at AWC for sending this through :-)

Questioning? This group fills a gap in the current offerings of social support provided to the lesbian, bisexual, queer women’s community. At present there is no where that operates as an open age, safe space to discuss and ask questions about same sex attraction.

Starting Monday July 4th, 7pm-9pm

Topics covered will include:

• Stereotypes/labels
• Gender
• Telling friends and family
• Out at work?
• Finding community
• Dating
• Sex

Questioning will run over 7 weeks as a facilitated support group. The 3 facilitators, Ellie Lim (Auckland Women’s Centre), Cissy Rock (Low down) and Vicky Wood (independent) will steer the sessions, using a mix of exercises, discussion topics and post-boxing. The format will be mostly participant directed and resources will be distributed over the course of the 7 weeks.

If you have clients, friends or loved ones who could benefit from attending Questioning? please ask them to register their interest with Ellie on 09 376 3227 before the group starts.

Topp Twins in Toronto.

This summer I had the opportunity to see the Top Twins live at Womad.
Their music set was fabulous and had me and all the rest of the crowd laughing, singing along and kicking up our heels to the great music.
But what I really enjoyed was ‘Ken and Ken’,
They did an hour long show on the food stage and their fabulous warm hearted characterization of the typical kiwi bloke was so neat to see live.
My partner had heard me rant about their political awareness work for nuclear-free New Zealand, the bastion point protests, and gay rights. I had tried to explain how most kiwis knew these twins who were gay, and they felt like family.
In essence, anyone with a TV could be educated out of fear of the “otherness” of gay people, by the sheer goodwill and approachability of these women.
I think I told him; “If you don’t love them, there is something missing in your chest cavity.”

He loved them.

After their food show I hovered by the stage hoping just to say hello and get a pic with either Jools or Linda. I was pleasantly surprised that when I approached Linda and she took the time to step away and grab Jules so they could both be in the picture.
I’ve met Zach Braff, Mandy More, Jon Cryer and a bunch of other celebrities and I’ve never felt out of depth.
With the twins I only just managed to stutter out an awkward blushing “I love you both – you are AMAZING” before they saved me from idiocy by making inane chit chat and posing for the photo.
I will treasure that photo forever.
While waiting to say hello, I saw a young woman throw herself at them and gush that they gave her courage to come out, and a heavily pierced woman break down in tears, unable to express exactly why they meant so much to her.
They have impacted an entire country.

I was pleased to see this write up on the Women’s media centre website by Emily Wilson.
An international audience is starting to sit up and take notice of the pair, now that their film “Untouchable Girls” won the audience award at the Toronto film festival.
It’s a shame they aren’t getting tvnz show spots for their shows, because the two of them are both still very keen to work, and it is simply a lack of interest from NZ broadcasters that stands between the NZ audience and them.

I will be very embarrassed if they get better recognition from an international audience than their own home, where they work so hard for their communities.